Not The Favorite

Sweet Merciful Crap!! My prayers have been answered, I have been granted my wish.

I have a new job. So, as it turns out, I am employable. God, for awhile there I was really worried I had some weird problem that I was completely oblivious to. You know like, when you have food stuck in your teeth and no one tells you.

I AM FREE!! Well, on Thursday I will be free.

And to this I say. I am proud of myself because I got this job on my own. No contacts, no friends of friends helped me out (not that I think that's a bad thing at all). They wanted me, for me.

Good bye [Insert Company Name Here], I will miss you all. Aside from the crappy work, I really did love the company. All the fun events, the laughs, the guaranteed cake once a month, drinking beer on company time, the ability to wear jeans and a t-shirt and not brush my hair. Good times...

To the Asshole, a big Fuck you, loser. Don't let my ass hit you in the face on the way out the door.

Labels: [Insert Company Name Here]

I can now giggle to myself whenever I see the asshole because he got what he deserved. Though I can't go into details about it, I can say that if you treat people like shit, people won't go out of their way to not treat you like shit right back. He got his come-up-ins. Come up in my face mother-f***er, and I'll get you where it hurts.

I bet not paying me for those two weeks seems pretty stupid and petty now.

This might seem a bit cryptic, and if was American, I would plead the fifth.

Labels: [Insert Company Name Here]

The asshole is away for two days and I can finally breathe again. I actually got up from desk, not to run to the printer or meet with the asshole, but to chat with someone. For the last three days, I've been afraid to turn my head the wrong way. It'll be a nice two days. I even smiled and laughed today.

Pumpkin has a horrible diaper rash. So mean and angry that I'm pretty sure I saw a 666 scrawled on her cute little bum. Poor thing would barely even let me touch her with a lukewarm facecloth. Thank god for Suedocrem diaper rash cream. I spread it so thick, I should have used a trowel.

Two really great things happened today. I got HR to date and sign my copy of my Employee Contract. Why is this so great? Because not only is my job title my old one from the project I loved, but no one even signed the damn contract besides me. I am technically bound by nothing. Secondly, I finally got a call about a job I applied for. I had to uncross all my fingers just to call them back. Right after I hung up from the pre-screening interview process, I recrossed all my fingers.

Oh Goddess Fortuna, thank you for all the free Tim's coffee, but what I would really like is a new job. Keep that fortune wheel on the high for a while, please!

Labels: [Insert Company Name Here], Lauren

I got it. Though it came with a nice slap in the face. It went something like, Sorry for yelling but you're still one of the worst employees here. Honestly, I really don't understand where this is coming from. I know they hold a grudge against me because I choose family over overtime, but I do it if I have to. I've been racking my brain trying to think back to when I was told that my work wasn't good enough. So far, I've come up empty. You would think that if someone complained about me, HR would have come to me about it to try and rectify the issue.

I do remember the night I had to work OT and an hour into it I still hadn't done anything because they couldn't figure out where to start. I spoke up and said that if I had to be there I was going to make it worthwhile and to please give me work now so I can out of here asap. Do you think they remember that?? Fifteen or so people staying late to work and the "worst worker" ended up taking charge and getting shit done. I also ended up being one of the last people to leave that night.

I guess I shouldn't have expected much this morning. It makes me so angry having to be stuck there and trying to put an effort into something that I know is just going to be used against me if I so much as spell something wrong. They don't want me there if all I plan on giving is the bare minimum. Well that's all you get if you plan on treating me like garbage and conveniently forgetting all the good things I've done.

The squeaky wheel get the grease, eh? As I said to a good friend tonight, eventually the squeaky wheel will stop turning if no one greases it. I didn't get greased for seven months and my wheel finally stopped turning. Why bother asking for more help when I haven't been giving any to begin with. They tried to put it back on me by saying that I should've come and asked for more help. Well, I hadn't gotten anywhere in seven months, what makes me think this time will be any different? Besides, I thought I did ask for help when I told my director I didn't know what I was doing.

Sigh...

I really hope that my high for this month won't just be the free coffee I won today playing Rrrroll up the Rim.

Labels: [Insert Company Name Here]

Tomorrow I go back to work. I'm not sure how it will work out. I have a meeting in the morning to discuss the plan for finally training me properly.

My plan is to show up to the meeting and wait for an apology from the asshole. I'm not going to hold my breath because I'm pretty sure he'd rather scrape out his eyeballs with a rusty garden hoe than admit he treated me the way he did.

I'm afraid how the meeting will go. I'm afraid to explain to everyone why I was out for so long. I'm most afraid that I won't get a call for all my job searching the last two weeks and be forced to stay at [Insert company name here] more than the one month timeline I've allotted myself to hear back about another job.

Two things will help me make it through tomorrow: knowing that I am a better person than him, and my Ativan. Perhaps I will offer him one before the meeting so he'll be too relaxed to yell.

Labels: [Insert Company Name Here]

They broke me. It took 9 months, but they finally did it. And now I sit at home emotionally unable to go back. For two weeks anyway. In that time, I will find something else. I have to. Because if I don't, I will have to go back to hell and be a lesser person for it. And I don't want to let them bring me down any more than they already have.

I'm sorry for being a "bad employee" but I needed help, and you weren't there for me.

Labels: [Insert Company Name Here]

I'm being spied on at work. Literally, someone is watching my computer screen to see what I'm doing. It's hard to look busy when you have nothing to do. I love my job. I love how I can go to work and have my every step watched, my emails and instant message history read and basically feel secure in my position at [insert company name here]. Every day I pray they lay me off.

If they are so worried about keeping me busy, why haven't they given me any work to do when I ask for it??? Don't bitch to me that I should be doing something when there's nothing to be done. You say "Fine, read this book on blah, blah, blah." Read this book, huh?

Oh, I'll read your book, yes I will. Only because in the back section it gives you tips on job searching.

Labels: [Insert Company Name Here]

You know what sucks about working in a big open loft-type office? It’s hot in here. Really hot. I’m up on the loft part and while I look down at my now comfortably warm ground floor co-workers, I’m dying of heat. A year ago, I was one of those freezing cold ground floor employees begging for someone to turn up the heat. They said, No, the people upstairs will be too hot. I thought to myself, How can a couple of degrees make that big a difference? Sweet merciful crap. It makes a HUGE difference.

Back when I was fresh out of high school and first dating my hubby, we used to go out with one of his friends who had this thing he called “Sweating out the impurities”. Basically, when driving he would turn the heat up all the way and no matter how hot it got, he wouldn’t turn it down. Because the hotter the better to sweat out the impurities. This game was very challenging. I didn’t like playing much but what can you do when you’re not the one driving and you’re too stoned to try and turn it down yourself. By the time you get where you’re going, all you want to do is shed some clothes to get relief only to discover you now have huge nasty pit stains.
Yeah I said stoned. Like you didn't dabble in the experimentals as a teenager...

So, I’ll sit here and sip cold water, read my new MOMS training manual and hope 5 gets here asap.

What the hell is a MOMS training manual? I’m a peer volunteer for the Mothers Offering Mentorship and Support program offered by the UNB Nursing faculty. It’s a service provided as part of a study on Post Partum Depression for new moms suffering from PPD. Peer volunteers are chosen based on the fact that they have had and recovered from PPD. That’s me! Peer volunteers visit new moms with PPD to help them deal with their depression and offer assistance, be it a reference to a doctor to get medical intervention, helpful tips on how to read your baby or just an ear to talk to.

Side note: Halfway through eating my lunch today, I decide to read the ingredients on the package for my flaked turkey sandwich. As soon as I saw “mechanically separated turkey” I almost gagged. I usually plead ignorance on how meat is acquired and put into those convenient little cans and steer clear of the ingredients list. But today I just had to look. And I’ve now ruined a whole section of the grocery store for myself. I adamantly refuse to eat anything that has been mechanically separated since Jon told me one day that I was probably eating beaks and eyeballs in my chicken nuggets.

Labels: [Insert Company Name Here], Misc.

Remember the Simpson's episode when Apu recalls working for 96hours straight and by the end of it he thought he was a hummingbird of some kind?

I feel like that could be a very real possibility for me, only replace "working for 96hours" with "being bored and restless for 6 weeks", if I don't get either a new job or work at my current job.

I'm going goddamned crazy here! How the hell can one person send out so many freakin' resumes and not get ONE interview??? I've been looking since last June, you do the math. Can they sense the desperation? Do I ooze "hard worker" and people are terrified because hard workers are thought to be extinct?? Did I accidentally make a watermark on the paper stating "REJECT"?? I'm a fun girl, I swear, and I'll work like a dog if you just give me the chance (providing it's not IT-related or something that has me chained to a desk for 8 hours).

Really, I'm not asking for a lot. I'd even take a lower salary for the right job.

For the love of god people, throw me a frickin' bone!

Labels: [Insert Company Name Here]

Labels: [Insert Company Name Here]

So far it's been two days back to work and not much has changed. I expected to be assigned work yesterday but was met with an out-of-town-til-wed team lead and 2 team members MIA. So, I cleaned all the decorations off my desk and started the new book Jon got me for Christmas "Forever Odd" by Dean Koontz. I got about a third of the way through yesterday since I shared my time between reading and brainless web surfing. Today, I'm about 2 thirds done and it's not yet 2pm.

I guess I was hoping the new work year would start off better. Boy, was I wrong. I always had hope during my long stretches of waiting for work, that it would come "any day now". I had the twinge of hope in the back of my mind that helped me make it back to work each day. Today is no different and my sanity rests with people who keep me out of the loop. I'm trying to stay positive and keep my nose in a book so they can't see the pout. If this keeps up, I'm going to have to go get a library card because books are effing expensive.

** 4pm and I'm done my book. Good read. But now I'm bored again.

Labels: [Insert Company Name Here]

I’ve been reading a lot about everyones New Years resolutions and recaps of the last year. It’s made me think that I should sit down and reflect upon my own year.

I started a new job almost exactly a year ago that seemed to be exactly what I was looking for. An easy job with little responsibility, fun people and a ton of flex time. Jon was on parental leave and got a great opportunity to stay home and bond with Lauren. Everything was great until June. That’s when the year took an unfortunate turn for the worst. I was switched to a new project that I really didn’t want any part of, but the boss asks me to switch and my old project was so slow there was no work for me. What was I going to do? Say Um, no thanks? Not so much. I’ve spent most of my time since being transferred, being confused and waiting for stuff. I’ve been so bored and frustrated that I’ve been brought to tears. I have been verbally assaulted by an over-worked stressed out man, which again caused me to break down and cry. And I have been sent mixed messages about others thoughts on my “commitment to the company”, which again sent me into a crying fit.

This company defines stress, they expect a lot when it’s busy (by which I mean they ask if you can work over time and berate you when you say no) and in my case, don’t give you proper training and then wonder why you’re so unhappy about the task assigned. But you guys gave heard enough about how horrible they are. The last thing I have to say about stress and work is at least I have medication now to tune those bastards out when I need it.

One thing good came out of this new job. I made a really great friend who's helped me get through the rough times and always offers a kind ear to my ramblings. He doesn't always have the answers but he'll always offer up a good laugh to make me forget about my troubles. Thank you for that, Jackamo, you really do make [Insert company name here] more bareable.

Money has played a big part of my personal stress this year. We’ve been very close to losing most of what we have. The baby has cost us virtually nothing aside from formula and diapers because we have a really great family. The money woes stem from student loans and credit card debt. The good side is that we had the good sense to seek help and steer clear of bankruptcy. We are finally stable and have enough money to make ends meet, though we have nothing for much else. Buh-bye fun, hello strict budget. This past year was really hard and I’m thankful that my marriage was strong enough to endure it. Most couples fight about money and it takes a toll on them. We don’t. We never have and that makes all this financial stuff easier to deal with. We both understand the hole we’ve dug and now we’re both sacrificing to get out of it. We are a good team, if only we’d stop fighting about who gets to sleep in and who has to get up early with Lauren.

I would have to say that this last year has been one of my worst and best. Our family has gone through some really rough financial patches and I’ve had the worst year of my working life. On the other hand I’ve had the honor of being the mom of the greatest kid I’ve ever known. She makes all the bad stuff worthwhile and if I had the chance to do everything all over again from when it all started to go down hill, I wouldn’t because then I wouldn’t have her. Jon and I couldn’t have created a more perfect human being, which is the best reason why we won’t be having any more children. How do you top perfection?

I’ve always said that resolutions are useless because they’re never kept. But this year will be different. My New Years Resolution? I vow to be more positive in my professional life. My boss ambushed me with my work review and for the most part it was good (whew…) but I was told that my negative attitude was affecting others. Well, no matter how much this job sucks, it’s become quite clear to me that I am stuck with it. I will from now on try and project a more positive persona or at least keep my displeasure to myself.

Labels: [Insert Company Name Here], Jon, Lauren, Money

In the past week and one day, I have worked a total of 2 days and 1 hour which equals 17 hours. Half the time off was sick time and the other half was vacation. If you don't include the sick time, I don't feel too bad about missing time. Although, I can't help but think all the missed time won't be over-looked. Even though I have valid reasons for being absent on those sick days, it could be looked at as abusing the sick policy. Luckily for me, there isn't work for me to do since I am in-between projects at the moment and I wasn't really missed. So, what are ya gonna do?

Here's something funny. A friend of mine has a new kitten. He's a pretty feisty little guy that loves to get into everything and basically tries to destroy whatever he can get his paws on. Today, he tried something new that makes me feels better about my own rebellious kitty and her tub-pooping ways.

He peed in the dryer.



Note the pee puddle inside his curled tail.

Labels: [Insert Company Name Here]

Do you hear it? I think so. No, I don't hear anything... Wait, there it is. Where the hell is that coming from???

I see you turning around trying to figure out what you're hearing and who's doing it.

It's me. Humming, sometimes singing, at my desk. And I'm not going to stop.

Deal with it.

Labels: [Insert Company Name Here], Misc.

Apparently, I have a sign on me that only assholes can see. It says “Harass Me, Please.” I can’t see it but I’m told it must be there because why else would otherwise normal men become total jerks to me? I will be nice to you, I will tolerate this one time. One more time, you get a warning from me. If there is a third time, you will be getting a visit from HR.

I can count at least four times in the last 5 years that I have been harassed by a male co-worker who thinks he has the right to do so. And doesn't see anything wrong with his actions.

Attention Jerks of the World:

Here’s a friendly reminder that you are not, in fact, God’s gift to women and that I do not want you sending me "flirty"/harassing messages, I do not want you telling me to set up a web cam so you can watch me at home or that you’d just like to take me home. I especially do not enjoy you rubbing yourself on me “by accident”, the hallway is 4 feet wide, give me a break asshole. Innocent flirting is ok if it’s mutual but if I cringe when I see you or try at all costs to avoid you, it’s a pretty safe bet that I’m not into your game.

Maybe I’m too friendly or smile too much in your general direction. Whatever. I’m sick of being treated like a piece of meat. I’m not here for your sexual pleasure. I’m here to do my job and I would appreciate you leaving me the hell alone.

Labels: [Insert Company Name Here], People Are Stupid

Saturday Night
The night started off pretty good. Jon and I threw in Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Mans Chest after Lauren went to bed at 7:30. We order some pizza and I was about to go pick it up when Lauren started crying. I went in and rocked her while Jon left to get the food. And then I hear the 2 loud girls leave Lauries apartment like a herd of elephants. I bang on the wall to shut them up but it just wakes Lauren up and the loud girls don’t even notice. Everything settles down and Jon and I continue to watch our movie. The next thing we know, Monica (owner of the building and Lauries mother) storms down the hall and very loud yelling starts. So loud, Jon and I are having a hard time hearing the TV. So, I go out to tell them to be quiet and realize Monica is yelling at one of the loud girls about respect and whatnot with the door wide open. Laurie is standing maybe 5 feet away from me and I have to yell 4 times to get his attention to please close the door. Monica leaves a few minutes later and we start the movie back up. A very short 30 minutes later, Monica practically runs down the hall and is screaming at the loud girl to “Get out and never come back on this property or I will physically throw you off of it!” The loud girl leaves and peels out of the parking lot. Holy crap… Jon and I are listening to this in our apartment with our door closed and I’m shocked Lauren hasn’t woken up yet.
Knock, Knock, Knock. It’s Monica apologizing for her behavior and that she didn’t mean to disturb us but the loud girl was bad mouthing her and at 63 she has the right to be respected in her own home and she won’t tolerate such behavior. Honestly, I was damn proud of that woman. Jon and I had been complaining to each other for months about how loud this chick is and we’re extremely happy someone finally did something about it. So, back to the movie…

Sunday
Screaming and crying wake Jon and I up at 4:30am. It’s Lauren again. But this time when we go get her, she has a high fever and is practically inconsolable. We try giving her Advil but she gags and throws up. Telecare just tells us she probably has a virus and to keep her hydrated and she should better in 12-24 hours. We strip her naked and take her into bed with us. 6:30 rolls around and Lauren is up and raring to go. She eats breakfast and seems normal for a while. Then the fever come back. I’m supposed to go to work but Jon is feeling sick too and wants me to stay home because he doesn’t think he can take care of her. I call in sick to care for my two babies. By supper time, she seems fine. I give her bath and it’s off to bed.

Monday
Lauren’s been crying off and on all night and when I get her up she has a 103 fever. I call in sick again to work and take care of her. Jon has to go to work so Lauren and I spend a quiet day together trying to keep cool and rested. But she refuses to eat or drink anything and her whole face is running.

Tuesday
Same as Monday it seems. Up with a 103 fever and Jon and I decide to take her to the ER to make sure she doesn’t have anything serious. I call in sick again. We get there and she plays and walks around, leading the nurses to believe that she’s fine and we get bumped over and over. So, we go home without being seen by a doctor and continue to give her fluids. After no success in getting in to see our own doctor, we take her to the After Hours Clinic. She has a virus and to keep giving her fluids and Tylenol with Advil for the fever.

Wednesday
As if it couldn’t get any worse. She wakes up with 104.2 fever. I’m about to lose my mind and can’t call in sick again so I wait til the fever breaks and take her to daycare at 10. When I get to work, I have the worst day of my life here. I get reamed for taking time off with my sick child and that they believe I am unwilling to work because I chose her over work. Later on that afternoon, I’m told to work til 6, though I’d already worked through lunch, and that management believed I was uncommitted to the project and that one lady even wanted me replaced because of it. So, between 4 and 6, I sit and work and sob quietly at my desk trying not to completely lose it. This is a lot to take in with very little sleep in four days. And I now have a migraine from stress, lack of sleep and the fact that I hadn’t eaten anything since 9 that morning. When I finally am able to go home, I call to check in as I'm packing up my stuff to leave. She spiked to 104.5 in the afternoon and then 104.8 just before I called. My poor baby...

Thursday
Finally! No Fever! Still sick but at least she not cooking on the inside. I decide to make an appointment to see a psychologist that my doctor recommended when I saw him on Monday for my own check regular checkup. I told him about the stress at work but that it was ok right now since I was off my last really stressful project. How’s that for Murphy’s Law? As soon as I complain to my doctor about stress and “no, I don’t think we need to treat it right now” that two days later I would almost have a mental collapse at my desk. I also make an appointment with HR to defend myself and ask why I was being penalized for time off I was entitled to. Turns out, my team lead handled the situation very poorly and that I was in the right the whole time. I know that our client was really upset that our project was off track because I wasn’t here but I shouldn’t have been made to feel guilty for choosing family over work. Still, I can’t have this happening again or I will go postal and do something really stupid. And really, how many times do I have to sit and cry at my desk before something is done about it?

Labels: [Insert Company Name Here], Lauren

I'm finally off that damn project that has made me crazy and cry one too many times at work. I am now on a project that's much less hectic. It still has a very near deadline but it doesn't seem nearly as overwhelming.

I can breath now and for the first time in the last 6 weeks, I'm happy at work.

I can be a lot to deal with sometimes because I wear my heart on my sleeve. I'm not one to keep anything inside and it becomes everyone's problem when I'm upset. Which leads me to the following question:

Do I have a toxic personality?

Labels: [Insert Company Name Here]

Monday I got my answer, and it was “Sorry but we can’t move you because we need all the resources we can get for this project. Oh, and you’re bringing down team morale because they all know you’re unhappy.” Super. So you give me the news I’m dreading and then you slap me in the face. Thank you sir and may I have another? So, what to do now. I can’t leave until I find a new job and the job market is terrible here. I asked for extra help so at the very least I won’t be so damned confused everyday. Have I seen any help yet? Not so much. Rock meet hard place. Jon is on board for moving out west to find work and I think I am too but I’m having a hard time with the thought of moving away from everyone I know. I’m sure it’ll be lonely for awhile. We don’t have any set plans so at the moment we’re just waiting to see what will happen between now and Christmas.

On a completely other note. I have been visiting www.pointsincase.com on a daily basis for the last few months and have come to really enjoy reading stuff by Nate DeGraaf. Although I usually skim past his game picks, I love reading his rants, columns, articles, blog and other various things he does on this site. There are several other writers on this site and I strongly recommend checking it out because they have kept me entertained at work for at least the last 5 weeks. I have also come to realize that he is a very, very bad influence on me. Now, for those who know me, it’s not a shock that I swear like a sailor. Curse words just fly out and I am normally at a loss to control them. However, I found myself extremely amused at calling one of my best friends a “cum-guzzling gutter-slut”. Though I suppose the best part is that she laughs at being called that! “No Len, you’re not a dirty whore, have Blake call you a cum-guzzling gutter-slut .” I love her… I found that name somewhere on that site or at least I merged two names “cum-guzzling ass-pirate” with “gutter-slut.” Anyway, you get the point. Damn you, The Nathan DeGraaf for giving me hours of endless laughter and for offering horrible names to call my closest friends.

Labels: [Insert Company Name Here], Misc.

Good News! I have taken the first step in getting to a better place at work so that I can move on and stop bitching about how much my job sucks. I have formally asked for a transfer to a new project. I will keep my fingers crossed because they now know the alternative would be me leaving the company. Although I did state repeatedly that I loved the company and how much I enjoyed the people, the atmosphere and especially how willing they are to work around my various appointments for Lauren (we've been to the doctor 3 times in the last month for vaccines, but that's a whole other story.)

**I would like to state that in no way did I approach this as an ultimatum. They simply wanted to know what would happen if they couldn't do anything to help. It wasn't like I said "Shit's gotta change or I'm fucking quitting." I would like to think I was much more tactful than that.

I will leave you with this. You know your child is done with their yogurt when this happens.



And yes you sick bastards, I know what this looks like...

Labels: [Insert Company Name Here], Lauren

Well, yet another extremely long day past me by today. Not only was I non-productive, but I think I was actually undoing some of my previous work. A migraine threathened to take over by about 4:30 and I just couldn't drown out the most irritating person in the world anymore, let's call this person Beans. Beans just wouldn't shut the hell up and stop bugging me to death. Holy crap I almost lost my mind when they kept asking for a high five because "It's almost 5 o'clock!"

Most of my day consisted of me trying not to cry at my desk due to boredom and yet another person asking for me money, thank you EI. Get in line with the rest of the money-grubbing bastards, you know who you are MC and Student Line of Credit.

Some snippets of my day:

"Seriously, please just kill me now before I have to spend another day in this freakin hell hole that sucks the life out of me as soon as I step out of my car in the parking lot."

"I have no idea what direction to go. I just know that this isn't it. Not even close. I'd like to be busy, none of this hurry-up-and-wait bullshit. I want to talk to customers/clients/people who don't annoy the shit out of me on a daily basis. I want to have nothing to do with computer repair or networking. I want the opportunity to sit down during the day but not the whole day. And I want to be able to hum/sing with the radio that's not tuned to country music. I think my keyboard is giving me lice."

"And is it just me or do they advertise for crappiest jobs ever? I'm not sure what to do. I can't stay here much longer. The air in here is giving me menopause..."

"How do I get into contact with the black market to sell a kidney?"

"If anyone else is reading this, I HATE [insert client name here] AND I WANT A TRANSFER NOW"

I am so sick of days like this and I seriously think I might have a mental breakdown if I'm forced to be on this team for much longer. At least on my old team, my team lead made an effort to come and see me at least once a day to make sure I hadn't been sucked into a blackhole of boredom. He also gave me REAL WORK to do. None of this "ok do this now but i don't care if it gets done" crap.

I might be an exception to the rule but I want to be proud of my work and I want to feel that I've accomplished something. I want to... wait for it... work for my money.

Labels: [Insert Company Name Here]