Not The Favorite

You know, I’m 30 years old, have a good job, a good husband and a great kid. Things are still pretty tight financially but we get by. Sort of.

I really hoped at this stage in my life, I wouldn’t have to feel guilty about splurging $25 for 10 pairs of panties. But I do. I mean who’s going to argue I wasted money on panties that were on sale $2.25/pair. I will, in my head, as I wrestle with priorities. I mean, we can’t pay our utilities but I can get new undies. Jon can get the Father’s Day present he wanted but not put that same $35 on our power bill. Believe me, this is the first time in my adult life I’ve ever really had to worry about being behind on basics. This last year has been incredibly difficult for our family, especially since starting at [Corporate Life]. I had to take a big pay cut. But I really love this job and I’m hoping to get a good review soon and get that salary bumped up a bit.

I guess I’m going to take a lesson from the school of Oprah. She said quite a while ago but I’ve never forgotten it, “Pay yourself first”. I’m sure she wasn’t talking about splurging, more like savings, but I’m using her words to try and make myself feel better. It’s not often we go out and treat ourselves. I can’t tell you how long it’s been since Jon and I had a “date night”. I buy everything I can second hand off Kijiji and sell our old stuff for extra cash. Coupons are my new best friend. I find myself pretty envious of those who aren’t struggling like we are. But what can you do? Keep on going, hoping each day will be better than the next. And you know what I want more than anything? For Jon to get better and kick these migraines in the ass. Doesn’t seem like much to ask for but when you don’t know why they’re happening and nothing fixes or helps them, it seems like a HUGE amount to ask .

Also, this morning I hit my forehead on the cabinet behind the toilet today. Don’t ask. Now I have I bump and bruise up there. Luckily it’s just in my hair line but still. I’m telling you, my head is like a magnet for odd objects. I mean seriously, it’s lucky I don’t have brain daaaa-mage-mamage-mamage…

Labels: Money

You know what I love? Driving along quietly and the car stalls in the middle of the street. And then won't start again. Woohoo!! Another repair bill!! Yay me!

Fuck, FUCK, MOTHER FUCKING HELL!!

It would have to happen when Lauren was with me. Good thing I was just down the street from Erika's house when it happened. Erika came and got Lauren so she wouldn't have to wait with me in the cold car, for what seemed like forever, for the tow truck to come tow the god damned piece of shit sent with love from Lucifer himself. I told the nice man from Capital towing to drop it in a lake if he felt like it on the way to the mechanics. He laughed. I was serious, dead-serious.

This is the THIRD issue with the Death'O'Matic in 4 weeks. And we haven't even finished paying for the first repair. I'm past the why-me-jeebus?-why-me?? phase now and have moved nicely along to the take-an-aluminum-bat-and-do-the-"repairs"-myself phase. Now to make a stop over to my SIL's house for the bat. Why not make it a family affair and let my nephews at it? I'm sure they'll love to beat the shit out of it with us. Awww, what a scrapbooking moment! Note to self: bring camera. Second mental note: hide photos from insurance company.

Anyone want to co-apply on a car lease for me? Ignore the debt management stuff and look at the stellar never-late, never-missed 4-year payment history for our current bitch-slap of a car.

Come on. Any takers?

Labels: Death'O'Matic, Money

I feel so defeated. All I want to do is curl up into a tiny, tiny ball and cry. We can’t get something we desperately need. No one can help. And the only one I can blame for this is myself. The one thing I thought I was doing right to get us where we need to go on my life plan, has come back to bite me in the ass. It is the roadblock that is between me and peace of mind. This sucks.

Oh, and Merry Christmas Death’O’Matic. I hope you enjoy the new parts that we had to buy you with our Christmas money. It’s not like you meant to die right before Christmas, right? Right?!?! Hunk of spiteful metal…

Labels: Death'O'Matic, Money

I heard from a little birdie that you people miss my rants and feel that I need to start posting more often. Well, here it is. Damn it, I'm happy and being happy isn't conducive to ranting. Also, I seem to have writers block more often than I'd like which makes it really hard to post on a regular basis. Here are some things to feed your voyeuristic appetites:

- While eating supper tonight Lauren looked right at me and said, "Toast. NOW. Mum-meh!" and then gave me the stink eye.

- We tried to lease a new car this past weekend. DENIED! I suck. Leave it at that, you nosy bastards.

- I may not like my husband all the time because he knows EXACTLY which buttons to press with me, but I love him all the time because he knows exactly which buttons to press with me. Awwww. Shut the hell up.

- I'm addicted to http://www.truemomconfessions.com/. Have a look and try to guess which confessions are mine. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.

I'll end with an MSN conversation I had last week that blew my mind.
Me: "I watched my dad be taken to the hospital today in an ambulance. I'm freaking out because I'm not sure what's wrong."
Friend: "Oh. So, what else is new?"

Um, WTF???

Labels: Jon, Lauren, Misc., Money

Since I don't really have anything to post about, here are some random things that happened to me this past week.

* Lauren decided it was best to throw up curdled milk and chocolate pudding down the front of my shirt. My entire left arm from shoulder to finger tips was covered. For a split second I considered cutting off my shirt paramedic-style so I wouldn't get puke in my hair.

* We put highlights in my hair and I quite like them. However, they should really warn you on the box that the hideous bright yellow and orange color will fade once the conditioning toner is put in. I nearly peed my pants when I looked at the newly lighten pieces. I hadn't seen a neon color like that since Saved by the Bell.

* I briefly considered conterfeiting money to help get out of debt. Unfortunately, we're too poor to afford the high-tech counterfeiting equipement.

* I also considered self-medicating to forget about all the stress in my life but, again, I'm too poor to buy drugs or liquor.

* Just when I thought "it can't get much worse", the car started making a horrible squeaky, crunchy noise whenever we made a turn. I thought for a second there was a small animal being ripped to shreds in the wheel well. Turns out, it was just the sound of those damn hands in my pocket fucking with my drivers side axle.

* So many people have told me in the past two weeks that things will get better. No they won't and those words have lost all meaning to me.

Labels: Death'O'Matic, Lauren, Misc., Money

Ok fine, I give. Uncle. Just stop mailing me and asking for money you never paid me to begin with. Yes, I'm talking to you blood suckers at RevCan. It's gotten to the point where finding one of those little brown envelopes in the mail makes me cringe and opening it reduces me to tears.

God damn it. How many times are they allowed to re-assess you in 2 years?? Cause by my count I'm upwards of 10-12. Seriously. Lay off.

The worst part about this last one was a re-assessment on GST. I don't get GST because I owe EI so they send my GST check directly to EI. Yet, I still owe them for an overpayment. Um WTF??? Whatever. Your damn check is in the mail.

I contemplated writing the check out to Receiver General a.k.a. Bloodsuckers or drawing a big angry face on the remittance slip or taking a picture of me giving them the finger and submitting it along with my check. But I thought better of it because you know they'd be all like "Fuck you too - AUDIT!!!"

Labels: Money

I’ve been reading a lot about everyones New Years resolutions and recaps of the last year. It’s made me think that I should sit down and reflect upon my own year.

I started a new job almost exactly a year ago that seemed to be exactly what I was looking for. An easy job with little responsibility, fun people and a ton of flex time. Jon was on parental leave and got a great opportunity to stay home and bond with Lauren. Everything was great until June. That’s when the year took an unfortunate turn for the worst. I was switched to a new project that I really didn’t want any part of, but the boss asks me to switch and my old project was so slow there was no work for me. What was I going to do? Say Um, no thanks? Not so much. I’ve spent most of my time since being transferred, being confused and waiting for stuff. I’ve been so bored and frustrated that I’ve been brought to tears. I have been verbally assaulted by an over-worked stressed out man, which again caused me to break down and cry. And I have been sent mixed messages about others thoughts on my “commitment to the company”, which again sent me into a crying fit.

This company defines stress, they expect a lot when it’s busy (by which I mean they ask if you can work over time and berate you when you say no) and in my case, don’t give you proper training and then wonder why you’re so unhappy about the task assigned. But you guys gave heard enough about how horrible they are. The last thing I have to say about stress and work is at least I have medication now to tune those bastards out when I need it.

One thing good came out of this new job. I made a really great friend who's helped me get through the rough times and always offers a kind ear to my ramblings. He doesn't always have the answers but he'll always offer up a good laugh to make me forget about my troubles. Thank you for that, Jackamo, you really do make [Insert company name here] more bareable.

Money has played a big part of my personal stress this year. We’ve been very close to losing most of what we have. The baby has cost us virtually nothing aside from formula and diapers because we have a really great family. The money woes stem from student loans and credit card debt. The good side is that we had the good sense to seek help and steer clear of bankruptcy. We are finally stable and have enough money to make ends meet, though we have nothing for much else. Buh-bye fun, hello strict budget. This past year was really hard and I’m thankful that my marriage was strong enough to endure it. Most couples fight about money and it takes a toll on them. We don’t. We never have and that makes all this financial stuff easier to deal with. We both understand the hole we’ve dug and now we’re both sacrificing to get out of it. We are a good team, if only we’d stop fighting about who gets to sleep in and who has to get up early with Lauren.

I would have to say that this last year has been one of my worst and best. Our family has gone through some really rough financial patches and I’ve had the worst year of my working life. On the other hand I’ve had the honor of being the mom of the greatest kid I’ve ever known. She makes all the bad stuff worthwhile and if I had the chance to do everything all over again from when it all started to go down hill, I wouldn’t because then I wouldn’t have her. Jon and I couldn’t have created a more perfect human being, which is the best reason why we won’t be having any more children. How do you top perfection?

I’ve always said that resolutions are useless because they’re never kept. But this year will be different. My New Years Resolution? I vow to be more positive in my professional life. My boss ambushed me with my work review and for the most part it was good (whew…) but I was told that my negative attitude was affecting others. Well, no matter how much this job sucks, it’s become quite clear to me that I am stuck with it. I will from now on try and project a more positive persona or at least keep my displeasure to myself.

Labels: [Insert Company Name Here], Jon, Lauren, Money

You know how in life we're all just floating around. Some of us are lucky enough to float on a really nice yacht and then there are the sinkers who can't even catch a breath. Just when you think you can keep your head above the water, something happens and and dip below again.

I have just inhaled some more water and I swear I think I'm drowning. Whoever said you can't get water from a stone, obviously haven't met the people who won't stop trying. We try and try to stay ahead but the bills and debt keep piling up. I don't know what to do. We've talking to debt management people and we seem to be worse off then we were before. I am drowning because I can't get the damn hands out of my pockets. I have a budget, we follow it and we're still short at the end of the month. How is that possible?? I try not to over spend and technically, we should have at least $200 at the end of the month extra. Where does it go? Friggin bank account gnomes taking my much needed money. It's either that or Tim Hortons. I feel like I can't even rent a $5 movie for Sat night without worrying that the rent won't be covered.

I am so sick of being broke and I'm even more tired of having to borrow money for things I should be able to pay for on my own. I want Lauren to have a good life and not feel like we are poor but it gets hard. Thankfully our family spoils her rotten so some of that weight is off my shoulders.

Most days I just feel like crying into my pillow and begging and pleading with our creditors to cross out our debt so I can breathe again.

Why, oh, why won't Oprah come to my rescue?

Labels: Money