Not The Favorite

Monday, April 30, 2007

Oops! My Head Fell Off

God damn today has been confusing. I had myself all stressed out this morning thinking I had made a HUGE mistake at work and after a half hour of running around like a heroin addict looking for a fix, I finally realized that I had managed to mix up this week and next. Felt like an ass having to explain myself to this poor instructor who most definitely thought I was a complete moron.

About 10 mins after that, I was freaking out because I thought we had a person about to show up for a course that I hadn't prepared for. After I sent a frantic email to my boss, he strolls in and tells me it's been cancelled. Super.

Then in the afternoon, I managed to send the following emails "Please cancel...", "Hold yer horses!" and then "Proceed as normal..." all to the same person about the same matter.

Thank god the day is over and I can curl up in a ball, rock back and forth and hope tomorrow is better. And to think I actually said this to my mom this morning walking to work, "Wanna come work for me today? It's pretty easy. For the most part." I should have immediately kicked myself in the ass for saying that.


posted by LadyLipgloss at 4:12 PM 3 LEAVE A COMMENT, BITCHES!!!

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Observations like Grilled Salmon

* Asking me if I need any help 3 times in a five minute span, makes me not want to ask you when I actually need it.

* What the hell?? I'm standing at the corner waiting for the walk light and a woman blasts through the intersection with her infant in a stroller. Um, did you not see the traffic coming directly towards you, you dumb tit?!?

* Jon and I were sitting in the livingroom when Lauren runs past us. She stops at her book basket, looks at Jon and points yelling "STOP!" and continues running into her room.

* Getting on the elevator this morning, someone is changing the lunch menu sign and holds the doors open until they're finished. Might have taken an extra 5 seconds to change that sign but as soon as the door closes, some cranky ass starts bitching about it. "Nothin like holding us up. Why couldn't he have done that before? They open at 7!" If you were so concerned about that missed five seconds, how about walking up the stairs to the third floor the next time? Honestly, who takes an elevator to the third floor??? She had no bags or packages and was perfectly capable. Lazy and cranky. I assumed she worked for the government ;)

* After the crank bitch got off the elevator another lady says "That better be some good Grilled Salmon, for $64.99!" Gotta love typos.

It's been a boring week. What can I say.

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posted by LadyLipgloss at 2:43 PM 0 LEAVE A COMMENT, BITCHES!!!

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Please Say Hello to Otis

Lauren had her 18mth check up and last round of vaccines today. Who knew just laying down on a bed covered in crunchy paper would be so scary? She did not like that and she cried the whole time the doctor was checking out her tummy. And she refused to stand still at the height chart. Between Jon, myself and Nanny (who happened to have an appt at the same time as us), we managed to fandangle her into standing straight for a millisecond. I'm sure the people in the waiting room thought we were all crazy over hearing us say, "Come on Lauren, please say hi to Otis the Elephant" and "Look it's Larry the Giraffe" "Please, baby, stand in front of the elephant and the giraffe so we can see what a BIG girl you are!" From the way she reacted to those 2D animals, you'd think they were trying to attack her and whispering things like "Yes Lauren, do what your mommy says so we can see what a tasty little thing you are...."

Then the needles came out. I'm sure in Lauren's eyes those things looked like they were ten foot long jack hammers loaded with molten lava. It took me and two nurses to hold her down. She was getting three shots, two at once and then the third. The first two went in and she started squirming and crying. Poor thing. Once the needles were out she recoiled into me and then Tanya went at her with the last needle. Once we got her leg still, the needle went in, and just when you thought it was over, Lauren grabbed the needle while it was stuck in her leg.

Mother of God, how the hell do you try and fix that one?? I didn't want to pull her hand back and risk pulling out the needle half way through and then have to re-stick her for the last half. So, what do I do? I left it there. She held on for dear life while Tanya pushed the vaccine in as fast as possible.

Poor kid, at least we don't have any more until she starts school, although I'm pretty sure that's no consolation to Lauren. The doctor office is stressful, I was exhausted and so was she. On the way to daycare, I had to fight the urge to pull over, cuddle up in the back seat with her and have a nap.


posted by LadyLipgloss at 2:35 PM 3 LEAVE A COMMENT, BITCHES!!!

Monday, April 16, 2007

Stuck in Your Head

"Hot dog. Armor hot dog..."

What song do you have stuck in your head right now?


posted by LadyLipgloss at 2:46 PM 1 LEAVE A COMMENT, BITCHES!!!

Some Hot Car-on-Car Action

My parents rarely let me take our second car (a brown Sundance) to school when I got my licence. Seemed a wee bit unfair since my sister got to drive the Blue Bomber (second car at the time) to school practically everyday of her last year in high school. So when they actually let me have it, I was super happy. I would pick up my friend Heather Mac, and we would laugh at the bus losers as we drove by.

However, one fateful morning, karma kicked us square in the ass. Heather lived at the top of Carrington and the easiest way onto the bridge would be to go down Douglas and turn Left onto Maple, which led us directly onto the bridge.

I'm sitting there at the stop stop sign, waiting for a car to wave me into traffic on Maple. A nice car stops and signals for me to pull out. I let my foot off the brake, was hovering over the gas as I look left to make sure it was clear when


This stupid little car, I think it was a toyota but it felt more like a tank, had decided to park itself halfway into my front end.

Heather kept saying "Oh my go, oh my god" and all I could do was to tell her to shut up and get out of the car. Nice, huh?

Anyway, we get out, I make sure we're all ok and then I run into a neighboring house to call my parents and ask what to do. Next thing I know, the police are there and so is my dad to drive us to school. The driver of the stupid tank backs out of my car and parks on a side street while it takes a couple of strong guys to roll mine out of the intersection. I'm standing on the corner with Heather as we watch bus after bus drive past with the bus losers pointing and laughing at us. Sucked to be us that day. I didn't get to drive a car to school for awhile after that.

I have to say though. That lady must have been driving on the curb in order for her hit me the way she did. I hadn't even hit the gas and she plowed into me. Still since it was at a stop sign, it was technically my fault. I think she just wanted a new car and saw an opportunity because believe this, the driver of the tank wrote off her car! She drove it away from the accident and wrote it off! Can you imagine? My parents ended up paying like $5000 just to fix that brown shitbox. Piece of crap wouldn't even start if it was raining out and they had to pay to fix it. Insurance, you ask? I think it was only covered under comprehensive.

Moral of the story: Be nice to others or some bitch will give you a 3000lbs steel reminder.


posted by LadyLipgloss at 12:24 PM 4 LEAVE A COMMENT, BITCHES!!!

Friday, April 13, 2007

I Don't Even Know Her!

First off, I love my mother and father.


Mom: Yesterday driving to work: Modern Electric van not moving at light speed nor willing to turn left into oncoming traffic "Move it, Jackass! Come ON!"

Mom: Today having lunch at Mei's: Two women are saying goodbye with the door open. Loudly, "Shut the door."

At least we haven't had a near death experience in rush hour traffic yet. Maybe she's saving that for next week...

Dad: Wednesday driving home in light 4pm traffic. Tailgating a black Echo by about 1 meter. I say "Drive a little closer will ya" as I brace for impact as he turns to look at me like I'm crazy for saying such a thing. Meanwhile, I see the "Fuck off, asshole" look on the passengers face glaring back at us in the Echo. I shoot the "Sorry man, nothing I can do" face right back.

I haven't had a scrunch-down-in-the-car-so-no-one-can-see-you experience since before I could drive. Dontcha just love carpooling?

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posted by LadyLipgloss at 3:52 PM 1 LEAVE A COMMENT, BITCHES!!!


Holy mother of god! I found a back door at Big Red. I'm in and posting at work! Mwuahahahahahaha!

That is all.


posted by LadyLipgloss at 3:47 PM 0 LEAVE A COMMENT, BITCHES!!!

Saturday, April 07, 2007


Sorry for the sporadic posts but I belive my NIC is fried in my laptop and has only been working 25% of the time. Also, I can't log in to Blogger from Big Red. Makes it hard to get anything done on here! So I post from the hubby's computer. Short and sweet.

My 3-year-old Dell laptop fucking blows.


posted by LadyLipgloss at 4:56 PM 0 LEAVE A COMMENT, BITCHES!!!

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Flashy Beads

So, Len came up Sat night. I decided that since I might not be here to celebrate my birthday with her that I would celebrate a week early.

Oh. My. God. I had so much fun and I can barely remember it. There was Mardis Gras beads, speaker dancing and tons of booze. I remember drinking at the bar but not paying for anything, yet I still came home with no money.

I was doing some sort of acrobatics on the speakers while hanging on to poles above and beside me. Honestly with the amount of liquor in me, I’m pretty surprised that I didn’t fall off and brain myself. I still can’t explain the scratched and bruised knee. Perhaps the two are related.

I only flashed my boobs once, for the bouncer to get his beads. I ended up with a whole lot of beads by nights end but I can only remember flashing that one time. Seriously. Because I remembered how hard it was to get my boobs out of that halter top the first time and I wasn’t about to do it again.

Before we went out, I was playing with the Wii Blake and Len brought up with them. I totally need to get one of those. I sucked at boxing and I didn’t care, I was having too much fun swinging my arms around like rabid monkey swatting at an invisible bee. At least in my drunken state, I didn’t break my TV with the controller.


posted by LadyLipgloss at 5:18 PM 7 LEAVE A COMMENT, BITCHES!!!