Not The Favorite

Monday, June 29, 2009

Weirdest Trip to KFC EVER! Seriously.

Jon was wearing jammy pants and the Miramichi is sorely lacking in drive-thrus. We hadn't had lunch yet and the drive home would be a long one without a bit of a snack. We drove around for awhile and settled on KFC because it was right there. Jon refused to go in because of the jammy pants and I REALLY didn't want to. I just didn't feel like it, ok?! So I'm just saying that I don't want to go in and Jon is getting frustrated with me and I find that completely hilarious. I start laughing hysterically at him, with Lauren yelling in the back seat "I WANT TO COME IN!! I WANT TO COME IN!!" and I decide to go in before the laughing turns to crying. Lauren is still yelling at me as I'm undoing her car seat, Jon is trying to tell me what he wants and some car keeps honking the horn.

As Lauren and I are walking to the door, the car nexts to us starts honking the horn again. I turn around and some old lady is waving her arms in the air. So, I point to myself and do the "Me?" thing and lucky me, she waves me over. I pull Lauren with me and ask the lady if I could help her. She proceeds to shove a $10 at me and says, "I want a chicken dinner."

Seriously, did she just ask me to get her a chicker dinner? Did I go back in time and do I look like I'm wearing rollerskates? "You want a chicken dinner..." and she says yes but she can't go in because she left her oxygen tank at home. Oooookkkkk. From her purple skin and lips, I suppose that's a plausible story. "Uh, so what kind of chicken dinner do you want??" "Oh they'll know and have them bring it out to me." Inside, I tell the girl at the counter about the crazy old lady and she's just as confused as I am. The lady in the kitchen says this has never happened before to her, and I'm thinking, yeah I know the feeling. So put in her order and mine and Lauren is driving me crazy asking for over-priced toys. I tell her no but she insists that Daddy said she could have some. The Daddy in the car, outside, who can't hear what you're asking for? No.

She says she has to go pee, so I turn the light on in the bathroom and let her go. After a while, I wonder what's taking her so long. "Are you all done?" Yep! So I go to open the door and THUD! I whack her right in the forehead. Crap. And then I realize that the seat wasn't down on the toilet so I'm lucky she didn't fall in. After a thorough hand washing, we gather our order and I deliver the "chicken dinner" to the old bat. First she asks what she owes me... Um, moral delimma but I tell her nothing she already gave me money and she tells me to keep the change. Gee, thanks.

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posted by LadyLipgloss at 5:32 PM 4 LEAVE A COMMENT, BITCHES!!!

Monday, June 22, 2009

I Wish Panties Were Free

You know, I’m 30 years old, have a good job, a good husband and a great kid. Things are still pretty tight financially but we get by. Sort of.

I really hoped at this stage in my life, I wouldn’t have to feel guilty about splurging $25 for 10 pairs of panties. But I do. I mean who’s going to argue I wasted money on panties that were on sale $2.25/pair. I will, in my head, as I wrestle with priorities. I mean, we can’t pay our utilities but I can get new undies. Jon can get the Father’s Day present he wanted but not put that same $35 on our power bill. Believe me, this is the first time in my adult life I’ve ever really had to worry about being behind on basics. This last year has been incredibly difficult for our family, especially since starting at [Corporate Life]. I had to take a big pay cut. But I really love this job and I’m hoping to get a good review soon and get that salary bumped up a bit.

I guess I’m going to take a lesson from the school of Oprah. She said quite a while ago but I’ve never forgotten it, “Pay yourself first”. I’m sure she wasn’t talking about splurging, more like savings, but I’m using her words to try and make myself feel better. It’s not often we go out and treat ourselves. I can’t tell you how long it’s been since Jon and I had a “date night”. I buy everything I can second hand off Kijiji and sell our old stuff for extra cash. Coupons are my new best friend. I find myself pretty envious of those who aren’t struggling like we are. But what can you do? Keep on going, hoping each day will be better than the next. And you know what I want more than anything? For Jon to get better and kick these migraines in the ass. Doesn’t seem like much to ask for but when you don’t know why they’re happening and nothing fixes or helps them, it seems like a HUGE amount to ask .

Also, this morning I hit my forehead on the cabinet behind the toilet today. Don’t ask. Now I have I bump and bruise up there. Luckily it’s just in my hair line but still. I’m telling you, my head is like a magnet for odd objects. I mean seriously, it’s lucky I don’t have brain daaaa-mage-mamage-mamage…


posted by LadyLipgloss at 12:40 PM 2 LEAVE A COMMENT, BITCHES!!!

Monday, June 01, 2009

Husbandcide With a Side of Why you Little!!

It all started this morning at 2:56am. I heard little footsteps come into our bedroom. She then proceeded to chuck a pillow, blanket and giant stuffed frog onto the bed. After snuggling between Jon and I, Lauren then decided to send me out for her water. I got the sippy cup out of her bed and gave it to her when she then said, mummy, and I said no (knowing full well she was about to ask for “fresh” water.) About ten minutes later she said she wanted to go back to her room. Fine. So I get her and her entourage back to her room, kiss her good night and leave. I get up two more times to 1) turn on a light for her, 2) turn off the volcano light because “something’s wrong with it” and switch on the penguin light instead. When I heard a final MUMMYYYYY come screaming out of her room, she got a LAUREN BE QUIET!! And that was that until 7am.

Of course she won’t wake up at 7am. How can one wake up so early after spending an hour awake at 3am? I know she spent more time awake after I put her back to bed because she had new blankets, Spiderman slippers on and books all over her bed. So when I try to wake her up to get dressed and have breakfast, she turns all teenager on me. When she finally gets out of bed, getting dressed is no issue but breakfast (damn you breakfast) is like pulling teeth. She won’t say what she wants and I don’t have time to fart around about it. So it’s 7:45, the time we need to leave, when she decided she wants eggs and toast. I’m all No way. You should’ve said that sooner because now we don’t have time. You can have a granola bar on the way.

Well she didn’t want that so I told her she wouldn’t be having breakfast this morning. I would think she’d be pretty hungry by snack time. Well Jon seemed to think she’d wither away to nothing and frantically started making her what she wanted. WTF buddy? I’m trying to teach a lesson here and you go and shit all over it! She’s always pulling this kind of crap at breakfast time and she needs to learn what will happen if she continues to dick around in the morning. I guess she’ll just learn that she gets whatever she wants from daddy.

I was fuming and decided that if he was going be a jerkass, I was going to be passive aggressive. So I started doing stupid things just to be in the way, like water the plants.

After we get shoes on, Lauren and I head down to the car. And out in the hallway, doesn’t she body-check our landlords plant. God DAMN IT! If I ever see her touch that plant again, so help her cute little butt. She was lucky I didn’t reach down and throttle her right then and there.

She got a kiss goodbye. Jon didn’t. I thought to myself on the way into work, is there a term for killing one’s husband or is it just called murder…

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posted by LadyLipgloss at 10:18 AM 1 LEAVE A COMMENT, BITCHES!!!