Not The Favorite
Friday, November 30, 2007
Lump O’ Sobbing Useless
Oh, and Merry Christmas Death’O’Matic. I hope you enjoy the new parts that we had to buy you with our Christmas money. It’s not like you meant to die right before Christmas, right? Right?!?! Hunk of spiteful metal…
Friday, November 23, 2007
One woman wanted to now if this was common toddler behavior: wildly waving hands in the air when excited, kicking feet when angry.
… (Crickets chirping)…
She honestly thought something was seriously wrong with her kid. She may have already sought help from doctors, I’m not sure.
Seriously, are you fucking kidding me??? Go to the park, mall, ANY where and look around, you asshat.
Another mom wanted to know why her 6 month old son refused to try cereal after he had an 8oz bottle.
Doesn’t take a god damned genius to figure that one out. Did it ever occur to you that maybe your kid is, I dunno, FULL???? I’m sure he’d love cereal if you tried it before or possibly even between bottles.
Fuck. People should have to take a written test to make sure they aren’t too stupid to have kids. Hmm, reminds of the reason why they "recalled" Bumbo seats a short while ago...
I have been so blown away by some questions on the site that now they have a warning to play nice or you’ll be banned because I’ve actually told people that they have no common sense and “Are they freakin’ serious?” Look someone had to say it. And damn it, I’m fine with that person being me.
Yeah, yeah. I should be supportive to obviously new parents but come on people. Grow a fucking brain.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Take This, You Whiny Bitches
- While eating supper tonight Lauren looked right at me and said, "Toast. NOW. Mum-meh!" and then gave me the stink eye.
- We tried to lease a new car this past weekend. DENIED! I suck. Leave it at that, you nosy bastards.
- I may not like my husband all the time because he knows EXACTLY which buttons to press with me, but I love him all the time because he knows exactly which buttons to press with me. Awwww. Shut the hell up.
- I'm addicted to http://www.truemomconfessions.com/. Have a look and try to guess which confessions are mine. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.
I'll end with an MSN conversation I had last week that blew my mind.
Me: "I watched my dad be taken to the hospital today in an ambulance. I'm freaking out because I'm not sure what's wrong."
Friend: "Oh. So, what else is new?"
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
Turn That Frown Upsi..Oh Fuck It
If you didn't want a new car, why did you build me up by letting me think you did? You knew how much I looked forward to saying goodbye to that death trap. I've been talking about getting a new one for at least a year and now you have the gall to tell me that you like our car?
See, I'm not exactly clear on what you like about it. Is it the nice orange glow it has from the check engine light being on for two years? Or the way something really expensive breaks on a bi-monthly basis? Maybe it's the fact that you don't have to see me when driving at night because the dome light has been out for 3 years because when we try to change it, the car fills with smoke. Oh, I know... It's the screeching. The car sings to us when we accelerate. Yes, I do love that too.
Really though, I don't get it and right now I'm too disappointed to even be mad about it.