Not The Favorite

Who leaves Jesus pamphlets on a gross dirty bathroom counter? And why did I feel compelled to grab it, scan it, blog it and throw it out...

Labels: Misc.

So I got a filling done 3 weeks ago and have been having issues with that tooth ever since. I can’t chew anything on the left side so I’ve gone back 3 times to have it looked at. Today was the third time.

Oh. My. God.

Apparently when they put in the filling, it aggravated the other old filling in that tooth. So the plan today was to replace the old filling. Sounds easy right? At least it didn’t have a fracture like they originally thought.

So the dentist injected me full of whatever it is they use for freezing and we waited for it to kick in. Turns out my dentist in moving to Newfoundland in a week. The freezing wasn’t quite enough to freeze everything so she injected some more. Immediately, my knees got tingly, my heart started racing and I wanted to either faint or puke. Luckily neither happened. But they sat me up a bit and we waited for me to feel better. Did you know that whatever it is they use for freezing has epinephrine in it? Yippee! Blech.

So once I started feeling better, they started working on the filling. Nope! Not frozen enough. So she tried a more localized anesthetic. Lalalala… waiting for it to kick in. And she starts back on the filling. FECK! Still not frozen enough.  (I'm having flashbacks to the horror that was getting my wisdom teeth out and the nitrous not working.)

What to do…. What else can I do? It hurts to leave it, it hurts to fix it.

Fuck it. Fix it. God I’m tough.

I’d love to tell you that it’s all fixed and over with but no. The nerve is so aggravated that to put a permanent filling in right now would be stupid. So they put in a temporary filling that has a built-in sedative. Hopefully that will calm the nerve enough to make putting in a permanent filling in four months easier and less painful.

The whole left side of my face is numb, I have a slight lisp and I keep biting my tongue.

When all is said and done though, my old dentist NEVER froze me for any of my old fillings. So I guess this isn’t too bad. I told my new dentist that if worst comes to worst, we could just yank it; I mean I don’t really need that molar, do I?

She didn’t think that was funny.

Labels: Misc.

A lot of shit has happened in the last month. Most of which I really don’t want to talk about, mainly because it’s boring. One major thing happened that involved getting a bad news text from Jon, crying in my boss’s office, going home early, lots of booze and drunken Wii. FYI, drunken Guitar Hero blows, drunken Just Dance is AWE-SOME!

Two weeks ago, my body decided to screw me over and I developed a MAJOR case of acid reflux. Two rolls of Rolaids, one box of Pepcid AC, one bottle of Gavison, one bottle of Pepto, one box of Zantac, two trips to the after hours clinic, two prescriptions, one bad drug reaction, and some bloodwork later, most of the acid reflux is gone except for this horrible lump-in-my-throat feeling. Did I mention this only started two weeks ago? Oye ve…

Good news! Jon has a new job! One that hopefully don’t suck his soul. So far, so good. He likes the people, the place and the work. Let’s call it Buy More. All I know is that he seems happier and to me, that’s all that matters.

A couple of Lauren notes and quotes.

- Last week at school, she walked up to her very tall gym teacher, looked him up and down and said “You’re the apple of my eye.”

- Thanksgiving weekend, we had our roasting pan on the counter with the very pointy and sharp turkey lifters sitting in it. Lauren needed a cup so she climbed up on the counter and (I can only assume what happened here since I wasn’t in the room) put her hand in or near the roasting pan, which slid off the counter taking her with it. KA-SMASH! She landed on the floor only inches away from the turkey lifters. Being Thanksgiving, I was very much thankful for not having to make a 911 call to rescue my impaled daughter. Though, I’m sure she would have loved the trip in an ambulance. Weee-ooo-weee-oooo!!

- The other night, she was playing with her dollhouse and one of the dolls fell off the roof. The following conversation took place.
Lauren - “Mom, can you do me a favor? Can you please pick up my doll?”
I stand up to look for said doll and realize it’s about 1 foot away from her. “You mean the doll right in front of you?”
Lauren - “Yes.”
Me - “Uh, no.” and I sit back down.
So she starts leaning over to get it “But… I…. Can’t….Reeeeaaaach…” And picks up the doll. On the way back up. “Owww!”
Jon - “Lauren, are you ok?”
Lauren - “I hurt my nipple”

Labels: Buy More, Jon, Lauren, Misc.

"Welcome to Tim Hortons. Can I take your order?"
"Yes. Can I get a large double-double and a large tea with milk. Oh! And a Boston Cream donut."
"That's $4.19, please drive up"
"Thanks"

I pull ahead slowly and hear from the order box, "I like that smell. Smells so good..."

What the f....

Took me a minute to realize he wasn't talking to me and that he forgot to turn off his headset. Too bad. That would have been a fucking hilarious prank.

Labels: Misc.

I know a guy that reminds me very much of a Ken doll. Today I saw him “adjusting” himself and came to the sudden realization that Whoa, that guy has actual genitalia and not moulded plastic tighty whities.

Part of me was a little disappointed...

Labels: Misc.

The loud girl got 8 months in jail, lost her license for 2 years and 18 months probation for what she did July 2008.

Sounds pretty good to me. Especially since there is rarely an appropriate punishment for people caught drunk driving in this province.

Labels: Misc.

Need to use a kennel? Don't let this happen to your pet. Foster's Home for Dogs Spread the word...

Labels: Misc.

I'm not the type of parent who keeps their kid in a bubble. I've always gone with the philosophy that you can't have fun and stay clean at the same time. So I really don't care when Lauren comes home from daycare quite literally covered from head to toe in dirt. Seriously, I hug her and a dust cloud floats up. But I can NOT fathom how a daycare provider with years of experience with children between the ages of 2 and 5 can so readily provide paint that is NOT washable for the kids to use. Lauren loves to paint, it's her favorite thing to do at daycare so I don't want to stop her from painting. But for the love of christ, could you at least give her a fucking smock?!?!? She wore a brand new shirt today and she came home covered front AND BACK in purple paint. Even with stain remover, it didn't budge.

I am so angry, so infuriated with them right now. I can't afford to have two sets of clothes for my child. But slowly daycare is turning ALL of her clothes to gross stained clothes. I ask Lauren to please try and keep the paint off her clothes, but I know that won't happen.

I wish they had a bit more respect for our things. I would even provide one of my old blouses for her to use as a cover up. That's what we used to do when I was a kid. I'm sure every parent would gladly hand over an old button up shirt for their kid to use.

Ok, I'm starting to calm down a bit. I think I'm just being overly sensitive from the trauma of hearing my 50ish year old landlord having really loud sex yesterday afternoon...

Labels: Misc., People Are Stupid, Rants

• Lauren got poked in the eye with a metal fork on Friday night on her first overnight with cousin Jilly. Scared the bejesus out of all parties involved. Lesson learned is to not play stabby-stabby while jumping on the bed. She moved on pretty easily from the incident while mommy went out for a few drinks afterwards. The next day we took Lauren to the after hours clinic to have it checked out, just in case. Turns out she had a small scratch 1mm away from her cornea. FYI, going to the after hours clinic to have an eyeball checked out while hungover sucks monkey balls. She's fine though and super loves having those polysporin eye drops 3 times a day. Yippee!
• Lauren is now referred by Jon and myself as the "Lenny Leonardson" of the family. "Ow my eye! The doctor told me not to get pudding in it!" - Lenny, The Simpsons
• I find it very humorous when I walk past the CSIS office and see the security door WIDE OPEN and no one in sight.
• I have been to the Northstar and found out that 1) you can make thong panties out of jeans and 2) those panties sorry lack any type of coverage unless your cooch is supposed to be hanging out. Oh wait. I was at the Northstar...

Labels: Lauren, Misc.

I just ordered some new contacts and realized that it's been since Oct 2008 that I got the last boxes. I made that 6 pairs of monthly contacts last 16 months. Damn I'm good...

Labels: Misc.

Jodi Picoult – Handle With Care

Do NOT read this book. I repeat do NOT read the aforementioned book. Seriously. If you are considering reading this, STOP. Friends do not let friends read this book. If you have it, throw it out, put it in a closet, bury it. I don’t care as long as you don’t read it.

I read it, on the advice of my mother, who I called after reading 41 pages in to yell at for giving me this book. I was so upset and frustrated. She told me to stick with it, it gets better. So I came back to it after a few days and then I got hooked. I couldn’t put it down until Sat night when I finally finished it. I was floored. And crying. I got up and wrote an angry email to my mother (who’s on her way to Florida) about how upset I was over the last page and a half of the book. How completely unnecessary the ending was and WHY THE HELL DIDN’T SHE WARN ME???

The book goes like this. A little girl is born with Osteogenesis Imperfecta (Brittle Bone Disease). In the first 41 pages, the family of four goes on a trip to Disney where the little girl (age 5) falls down and breaks both of her femurs in a restaurant. The family goes to the ER where the parents are subsequently accused and arrested for abuse. Their oldest daughter is sent to foster care.

This is when I put down the book and yelled at my mother the first time.

It goes on and the family is set free with apologies. They try and sue the police department and social services but after speaking to a lawyer, they end up suing their obstetrician, who is the mother’s best friend, in a wrongful birth suit. (Had they know sooner about the child’s disease in utero, they would have aborted.) I’m going to spoil the ending since I don’t want you reading the book. They win the case and receive $8 million.

Before the cheque is even cashed, the little girl, now 6 ½, goes outside to their pond, steps on the ice and falls through. And dies.

That’s it. That’s how it ends.

This is where I sent the angry email to mom, and can you see why?? How completely unnecessary was that as an ending?!?!

Labels: Misc., Rants

I have a face that seems to put people at ease. I don’t quite know what it is but when people see this face, they tell me things. Personal, private things. I don’t mind, normally, except if I’m in a public washroom and they won’t let me leave by blocking the door. Yes, that actually happened to me, with a total stranger.

This face is a friendly face, I guess. And as long as they don’t want advice, I am prepared to let a person speak their mind. Perhaps I should consider a career change to Professional Listener/Secret Keeper.

Labels: Misc.

• Last weekend , Lauren was dressed up like Cinderella and was being a very demanding. I told her that princesses have a lot of patience. She said "Well, not this one."


• At work today, I came across two funny names. Some poor shmuck named Nimrod and another named Carl Carlson. Hahaha. I also received a phone call last week and the Caller Id came up as Peter Griffin. Love it!


• Another bout of tonsillitis for Lauren. I want them out but I don't want them out. Guess it's not my call now is it. Meh, at least she loves the banana medicine.


• I fought the insurance company. And WON! Seriously, how often does that happen??


• I'm ready to get rid of the cat. SOOOOO ready. Now, if only Jon would get to this point, too.


• Pretty proud of our pumpkins this year. And Lauren actually put her hands inside the pumkpin without whining. Which is odd because she whined about everything else today.

Labels: Lauren, Misc.

TMI Alert! If you DON’T want to hear about my lady parts, please stop reading….. NOW!

No more kids for us, thank you very much. I told the nurse at the doctors office during my yearly appointment that we decided one is enough and that I wanted a more permanent, but not permanent, solution other than birth control pills. I also told her I didn’t want periods anymore and that I’d rather live without my uterus (joking but completely serious). When the doctor came in, he said “So you want to be sterilized.” Jeez, when you put it THAT way, not really. He told me to go see my gyno and since I already had an appointment there for something else, I said “Sure!”

A few weeks later, I met with my gyno and we decided to go with the Mirena IUD because it has hormones in it that will pretty much stop me from having periods for the next 5 years. Sweet!! Oh and no babies. Yay! She wrote me up a prescription and made an appointment to have it put it two weeks later. She also told me to take an Advil prior to my appointment as there may be some discomfort. Sounds good, I say!

After some discussion with my insurances companies, I go to get my IUD from the pharmacy. And sweet merciful crap! For something that's supposed to fit in my tiny uterus, the box was HUGE! I’m talking a foot-long-no-where-near-discreet box. It was a bit intimidating and I got a little scared.

Fast forward to D-day. About an hour before my appointment, I pop three Advil instead of the recommended one. I have a high tolerance, ok?? I get there, wait about a half hour and then get called into a room. The doctor opens the big ass Mirena box and shows me that only a tiny portion is the actual IUD and the rest is the applicator. Yup, a foot-long applicator. Nice. She leaves so I can get undressed and while she’s out there, I overhear her saying she’s been having contractions all day and she’s 4cm dilated. Did I mention she’s enormously pregnant and due that week? I’m pretty sure my appointment was her last for a few months at least.

I’m all set to go when she comes back in, and we get started. I’m getting woozy just thinking about all this. Seriously.

First she makes sure that my cervix is dilated enough by poking me with a long plastic stick. A little uncomfortable, but nothing more that my yearly pap. Then she makes sure she can reach the top of my uterus with that stupid stick. OUCH! Didn’t quite reach all the way. Better try again. FUCKING OUCH! Ah yes, everything is good. She puts in the IUD and …

MOTHER OF GOD!! I’m practically HALLUCINATING the pain is so excruciating. I swear, I thought someone was stabbing me repeatedly in each hip. And even though I couldn’t see them stabbing me, I sure as hell wanted to choke them! The doctor kept asking me if I was ok. Uh, NO I’m NOT ok! Does it look like I’m ok?!?! As I’m writhing on the table trying to strangle the air.

Did you know there is a nerve that goes from your uterus directly to your heart? Apparently, by shoving plastic in there and causing a whole lot of pain, your heart slows down thereby causing a person to faint. My doctor is trying to explain this to me while I’m trying not to faint. Thanks for the lesson! The more you know…

Oh and the Advil? Who are you trying to fool people?? Some Vicodin would have been MUCH more appreciated, and called for.

Eventually the pain starts to dissipate and I tell her I’m fine to get dressed. But she waits outside the curtain in case I faint. I walked out to the waiting room to meet Jon and as I’m walking I could see at least 2 nurses and my doctor watching me like a hawk. Jon looked at me and asked “What the hell did they do to you in there?” Guess, I didn’t look so good. By the time I reached him, I was seeing stars and had felt the blood drain completely from my head and into my feet. I sat down and the nurse got me another chair so I could stretch out, she also got me a cold cloth for my head. Lauren was there waiting for me, too, and she felt it important to ask me over and over again for a lollipop. At that moment, she could have asked for a Mercedes and a million dollars in small unmarked bills and I would have complied. I laid there for about 10 minutes until I felt confident that I could make it to the car without passing out.

That night is just awful. Absolutely awful. The cramping is intense. I was not prepared for how much it would hurt while it settled in there. I’m taking four advil every 3 hours and all I can do is lay on the couch with a heating pad. I even go to sleep with it on and then bring it to work with me the next day. Even though the next day the cramps are still pretty uncomfortable, it’s bearable.

That’s my lady parts story. It’s been about 3 weeks now and I don’t even think about it anymore. And I won’t for another 5 years. Though I wonder if it’s less painful the second time around…

Labels: Misc.

It’s my lllllucky day!!

I had an appt this morning at the doctor so I dropped Jon off at work. Drove to the Regent Street clinic, had a GREAT appt with my doctor and then I left. I paid my three dollars to get out of the parking lot and just happen to glance down at the change tray of the parking machine and low and behold! There is a toonie and a loonie just sitting there (not mine, I heard them go in properly). So grab them and keep going! Free Parking!!

Then I parked in the garage next to my office and used the found three dollars for the three hours of parking I’ll need until it’s time to go get Jon.

So I’m working away, looking for a piece of paper in a storage box full of single pieces of paper and VOILA! There it is. Beautiful!

Our IT dept finally fixed the printer that's been broken since June, and I helped just a wee bit. Still, it's fixed!!

Then I get great news from Jon that the prescription I was given this morning at my wonderful appt is covered under our health plan. YES!! That just saved me $400.

Time to go get Jon! (Could there BE more exclamation marks?? Yup!!) So I go down the stairway at work and BAM! Almost run into my buddy Jack. I haven’t seen Jack since I left [Insert company name here], over 2 years ago. I practically got whiplash my head spun around so fast. What a great surprise! He now works on the next floor down. We’ll have to have lunch soon.

And then when I get back from switching out the car with Jon, there is cake waiting for me at work!! Yum!!

This has been such an awesome day so far and it’s only 2:00. Hopefully it doesn’t go downhill from here…

Everything is coming up Jenn!!

Labels: Misc.

Normally I think those "about me" lists that go around facebook are totally lame and stupid but I really like this one. So read it or go the hell away.

1.What was the last thing you put in your mouth? Chicken burger with ketchup
2.Where was your profile picture taken? Dominican
3.Can you play Guitar Hero? Yep, on easy.
4.Name someone who made you laugh today? Tenille on Hell's Kitchen. Damn that girl's funny.
5.How late did you stay up last night and why? 11pm, because that's bedtime.
6.If you could move somewhere else, would you? Nope.
7. Ever been kissed under fireworks? Not sure, which probably means no.
8. Which of your friends lives closest to you? Erika
9. Do you believe ex's can be friends? No way. At least none of my ex's.
10. How do you feel about Dr Pepper? Loves it
11. When was the last time you cried really hard? No idea.
12. Who took your profile picture? ME!
13. Who was the last person you took a picture of? Lauren
14. Was yesterday better than today? Yep
15. Can you live a day without TV? Hell no.
16. Are you upset about anything? Not at the moment
17. Do you think relationships are ever really worth it? For sure.
18. Are you a bad influence? Depends on the day and my mood.
19. Night out or night in? Night in.
20. What item could you not go without during the day? It's a tie between lipgloss and clothes. I hate to be naked but I really like glossy lips...
21. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital? Other than myself, it would have to be Erika when she had Jack.
22. What does the last text message in your inbox say? I don't text. GASP! No really, I don't.
23. How do you feel about your life right now? Bored. Ohhhhh, the boredom.
24. Do you hate anyone? Hate is such a strong word. More like tolerate a few people.
25. If we were to look in your Facebook inbox, what would we find? A hurtful message that I can't bring myself to delete.
26. Say you were given a drug test right now, would you pass? Yep
27. Has anyone ever called you perfect before? Yes but I'm pretty sure it was me.
28. What song is stuck in your head? I know you want me - Pitbull
29. Someone knocks on your window at 2:00 a.m., who do you want it to be? If someone knocks on my window at 2am, they better run because I will NOT be impressed by being woken up. Unless... it's someone holding a giant check worth millions of dollars.
30.Wanna have grandkids by the time you're 50? Grandkids?? I can't think past kindergarten and that's a year away.
31. Name something you have to do tomorrow? File. Ohhhh the filing.
32. Do you think too much or too little? Most days I just don't give a shit.
33. Do you smile a lot? It's my defense mechanism so YES!! :)

Side note: You're means you are. 'Nuff said.

Labels: Lists, Misc.

Not that it matters, Princess, but I'd just like to say, I got my babies first. Na-na-na-na-naaaa...

I love it when my mommy spoils me :)

Labels: Misc.

Jon was wearing jammy pants and the Miramichi is sorely lacking in drive-thrus. We hadn't had lunch yet and the drive home would be a long one without a bit of a snack. We drove around for awhile and settled on KFC because it was right there. Jon refused to go in because of the jammy pants and I REALLY didn't want to. I just didn't feel like it, ok?! So I'm just saying that I don't want to go in and Jon is getting frustrated with me and I find that completely hilarious. I start laughing hysterically at him, with Lauren yelling in the back seat "I WANT TO COME IN!! I WANT TO COME IN!!" and I decide to go in before the laughing turns to crying. Lauren is still yelling at me as I'm undoing her car seat, Jon is trying to tell me what he wants and some car keeps honking the horn.

As Lauren and I are walking to the door, the car nexts to us starts honking the horn again. I turn around and some old lady is waving her arms in the air. So, I point to myself and do the "Me?" thing and lucky me, she waves me over. I pull Lauren with me and ask the lady if I could help her. She proceeds to shove a $10 at me and says, "I want a chicken dinner."

Seriously, did she just ask me to get her a chicker dinner? Did I go back in time and do I look like I'm wearing rollerskates? "You want a chicken dinner..." and she says yes but she can't go in because she left her oxygen tank at home. Oooookkkkk. From her purple skin and lips, I suppose that's a plausible story. "Uh, so what kind of chicken dinner do you want??" "Oh they'll know and have them bring it out to me." Inside, I tell the girl at the counter about the crazy old lady and she's just as confused as I am. The lady in the kitchen says this has never happened before to her, and I'm thinking, yeah I know the feeling. So put in her order and mine and Lauren is driving me crazy asking for over-priced toys. I tell her no but she insists that Daddy said she could have some. The Daddy in the car, outside, who can't hear what you're asking for? No.

She says she has to go pee, so I turn the light on in the bathroom and let her go. After a while, I wonder what's taking her so long. "Are you all done?" Yep! So I go to open the door and THUD! I whack her right in the forehead. Crap. And then I realize that the seat wasn't down on the toilet so I'm lucky she didn't fall in. After a thorough hand washing, we gather our order and I deliver the "chicken dinner" to the old bat. First she asks what she owes me... Um, moral delimma but I tell her nothing she already gave me money and she tells me to keep the change. Gee, thanks.

Labels: Misc., Weird

I have a theory. It's not to be interpreted or over-complicated. It's very simple.

Most people can be classified as either a rodent (mouse or rat) or a bird. Simply by looking at their face.

What the hell am I talking about? Haven't you ever seen someone and said to yourself "That lady seriously looks like a bird?", "That guy has rat teeth?" or "She's cute as a mouse?" Well, I have. Most people you can classify right away, but there are those whose just don't fit the theory. God damn anomalies....

There is no wiggle room into the rodent portion of my theory. No, that guy doesn't look more like a meerkat than a prairie dog. It's rat or mouse. My theory, my rules. Make up your own theory, ya picky bastards.

Go people watching. Go. Right now. You'll never look at people the same way.

Labels: Misc., Weird

• This morning when Jon dropped me off at work, I went to the back seat to give hugs and kisses to Lauren. She took my hand, put it over her nose and said "What does it snell like mummy?" So, I smelled my hand and it didn't smell like anything to me so I said "I don't know babe. I don't smell anything" and she says "I know mummy! You snell like french fries!" Hahaha... Not sure where she got that since the last time we had fries was last week!
• We took Lauren to the Frex on Sunday and she had a blast. Crap! I just remembered I promised her a candy apple on the way out. Meh... We drove past it on Monday and she said "Are we going to the Frex?!?!?" And I said "Not today baby. Maybe we'll stop in later this week" to which she replied "I wish I was there right now..."
• I've been watching a lot of YouTube lately and somehow stumbled across FronkN'Dego Films. These two guys are so effing funny that I can barely contain myself. I'm laughing so hard that I'm snorting and crying and eventually can't breathe. Now, most of the time, I watch these videos at work since I'm super busy and I'm trying to be quiet so they don't catch me slacking off. Well, this is really hard to do and the laughs end up coming out sounding like high pitched squeaks. I'm sure my co-workers think I'm having seizures or I've morphed into a pig or something. My favorites are Webcam: The Plate, Gay Zombie and Star Trek Doors.
• I found a larder beetle crawling on my foot this morning at work. Ewww. And I knew the little bastard had hitched a ride from home with me because I had never seen one at work before. But I've many a time found them eating the insides of Reeses Pieces under my couch and chomping on cat food Trinity tossed behind her food bowl. I found it around 10am and I really, really don't want to know where it was before that. Shudder..... So itchy now.

Labels: Bugs, Lauren, Misc.