Not The Favorite

Ok fine, I give. Uncle. Just stop mailing me and asking for money you never paid me to begin with. Yes, I'm talking to you blood suckers at RevCan. It's gotten to the point where finding one of those little brown envelopes in the mail makes me cringe and opening it reduces me to tears.

God damn it. How many times are they allowed to re-assess you in 2 years?? Cause by my count I'm upwards of 10-12. Seriously. Lay off.

The worst part about this last one was a re-assessment on GST. I don't get GST because I owe EI so they send my GST check directly to EI. Yet, I still owe them for an overpayment. Um WTF??? Whatever. Your damn check is in the mail.

I contemplated writing the check out to Receiver General a.k.a. Bloodsuckers or drawing a big angry face on the remittance slip or taking a picture of me giving them the finger and submitting it along with my check. But I thought better of it because you know they'd be all like "Fuck you too - AUDIT!!!"

Labels: Money

I took this quiz this morning and wow, did it ever hit the nail on the head with me. It's a simple quiz. It shows you eight colors and you pick in order which color make you feel best.

Give it try!

Jenn took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test! "Longs for a tender and sympathetic bond and for a ..." Click here to read the rest of the results.

Labels: Misc.

You know what sucks about working in a big open loft-type office? It’s hot in here. Really hot. I’m up on the loft part and while I look down at my now comfortably warm ground floor co-workers, I’m dying of heat. A year ago, I was one of those freezing cold ground floor employees begging for someone to turn up the heat. They said, No, the people upstairs will be too hot. I thought to myself, How can a couple of degrees make that big a difference? Sweet merciful crap. It makes a HUGE difference.

Back when I was fresh out of high school and first dating my hubby, we used to go out with one of his friends who had this thing he called “Sweating out the impurities”. Basically, when driving he would turn the heat up all the way and no matter how hot it got, he wouldn’t turn it down. Because the hotter the better to sweat out the impurities. This game was very challenging. I didn’t like playing much but what can you do when you’re not the one driving and you’re too stoned to try and turn it down yourself. By the time you get where you’re going, all you want to do is shed some clothes to get relief only to discover you now have huge nasty pit stains.
Yeah I said stoned. Like you didn't dabble in the experimentals as a teenager...

So, I’ll sit here and sip cold water, read my new MOMS training manual and hope 5 gets here asap.

What the hell is a MOMS training manual? I’m a peer volunteer for the Mothers Offering Mentorship and Support program offered by the UNB Nursing faculty. It’s a service provided as part of a study on Post Partum Depression for new moms suffering from PPD. Peer volunteers are chosen based on the fact that they have had and recovered from PPD. That’s me! Peer volunteers visit new moms with PPD to help them deal with their depression and offer assistance, be it a reference to a doctor to get medical intervention, helpful tips on how to read your baby or just an ear to talk to.

Side note: Halfway through eating my lunch today, I decide to read the ingredients on the package for my flaked turkey sandwich. As soon as I saw “mechanically separated turkey” I almost gagged. I usually plead ignorance on how meat is acquired and put into those convenient little cans and steer clear of the ingredients list. But today I just had to look. And I’ve now ruined a whole section of the grocery store for myself. I adamantly refuse to eat anything that has been mechanically separated since Jon told me one day that I was probably eating beaks and eyeballs in my chicken nuggets.

Labels: [Insert Company Name Here], Misc.

Remember the Simpson's episode when Apu recalls working for 96hours straight and by the end of it he thought he was a hummingbird of some kind?

I feel like that could be a very real possibility for me, only replace "working for 96hours" with "being bored and restless for 6 weeks", if I don't get either a new job or work at my current job.

I'm going goddamned crazy here! How the hell can one person send out so many freakin' resumes and not get ONE interview??? I've been looking since last June, you do the math. Can they sense the desperation? Do I ooze "hard worker" and people are terrified because hard workers are thought to be extinct?? Did I accidentally make a watermark on the paper stating "REJECT"?? I'm a fun girl, I swear, and I'll work like a dog if you just give me the chance (providing it's not IT-related or something that has me chained to a desk for 8 hours).

Really, I'm not asking for a lot. I'd even take a lower salary for the right job.

For the love of god people, throw me a frickin' bone!

Labels: [Insert Company Name Here]

Labels: Migraines, Weight

Week 5 of doing nothing and I'm listening to Yahoo! Radio. I just want to jump up on my desk and sing and dance like I'm a star who has a zillion dollars; walk out of this hell hole and not look back.

Is this what you would expect a grown man with a family to be doing?
Jon went to the mall last night to wait in line at 8:30pm for Electronics Boutique to open it's doors at 11pm so he could buy the new Worlds of Warcraft expansion at midnight. I said "You're such a loser" and kissed him goodbye.

I wanted snow so badly so that Lauren could play in it. I am so stupid. With snow comes the frigid cold. And stupid slow drivers that make me 20 minutes late for work. Not that it matters with the huge work load I have right now.

Got a little backlash from my last post. It needed to be said and I don't feel bad knowing that you now know how I feel. It's about damn time I stopped acting like fuckin' doormat.

I'm feeling sad again today. Maybe it's the weather or maybe I'm so bored I'm trying on a new feeling for size. Either way, it sucks.

I really hate Sean Paul. His music makes me want to scrape out my ears with a rattle snake, pour alcohol on the open wound and then use June bugs for ear plugs.

Labels: Jon, Lauren, Misc.

I’m sick and tired of putting forth the effort in my friendships and getting nothing in return. I’ve considered myself to be somewhat anti-social because I don’t have many friends. But lately I’ve realized that I have no problem meeting people, talking to others and generally being a friendly person. I send emails and make phone calls, but it seems I never get any out of the blue. I’ll call just to say hi. I’ll send an email just because. And yet, I don’t receive any. Why? I have no idea. Is there something about me that makes people not want to talk to me? I’ve asked myself that many times and I can’t seem to find the answer.

I know people who only contact others if they need something. Well, I believe that being a friend involves more than just fulfilling a need to “get something”. I like to keep in touch with people and just see how things are going. I actually had a “friend” who never answered my calls and didn’t respond to emails. I know what you are thinking but this is also the same person who sent me an email when she found out she was a pregnant and I got an invite to her wedding. She always initiates the whole “we should get together more often” when we do manage to get together but never follows through.

Makes me angry. If you want to be my friend, make an effort. Even my current friends don’t call to say hi. Or send an email to say hi. Why do I always have to make the first contact? You’re fingers aren’t broken, but mine are done working for nothing. You want to be my friend? Fine, do something about it because I won’t any more.

This hasn’t stemmed from any incident or anything. I’ve had this problem my whole life. I ask Jon what it is about me that people don’t like and he doesn’t know, or he does and just doesn’t want to tell me. All I want is to have a close circle of friends who care about each other enough to want to talk to each other. Just because. Is that so much to ask?

There’s no way to make this sound like it means all of my friends but those who need this wake up will know who they are. Just ask yourself when the last time you initiated a conversation with me and you can either rule yourself out or realize what an ass you are.

I don’t intend for this post to make people upset with me, I just want you to realize that I’m hurt. And there are quite a few people that this applies to but will never read it.

Labels: Friends

So I tried making the cake again last night using a glass pan I've used before and Yay! it turned out! Good thing too since my sweet tooth was killing me.

Jon stayed home from work sick and I'm pretty grateful that he made supper since I spent most of the drive home telling myself that I had to make food so Lauren wouldn't starve. I had a killer headache all afternoon so when I got home I popped a couple of Advil Cold and Sinus. Feeling a bit nauseous, I didn't eat much. Jon and I both feel like hell and all I really want to do is lay on the couch. Two problem with that: 1) The couch was already occupied by Jon and 2) It's bath night. So I said to myself Suck it up Buttercup, you need to do it cause Lauren isn't big enough to bathe herself yet.

Lauren gets so excited when the bath water is running because she likes to hold her hands under the water coming out of the faucet. I already nixed her holding a cup under it since she really enjoys pouring the water on the floor. I don't mind the water on the floor so much as her stepping in it and slipping head first into the side of the tub. I left her for a sec to get the other cup out in the living room only to turn around to see two chubby legs straight out in the air. I'm not sure if she was trying to climb into the tub or get her hands further under to faucet, either way it was freakin' hilarious.

By the time her bath is over, I'm feeling pretty much back to my old self and getting her dressed is a breeze. After I put her down, I'm up for doing some housework and baking.

Bake cake - Check.
Tidy living room - Check.
Straightening up the bedroom - Check.
Clean up tub after bath - Check.
Trinitize the bathroom (Water in tub and frog in sink) - Check.
Four loads of laundry done - Check. Almost.

I was so on the ball last night, I forgot to ask Jon to run the dryer through again. Woke up this morning with all my nice clean jeans still wet. Good thing I have a pile of in-case-of-emergency jeans folded in the closet. It sucked though cause I had it set in my mind that I was wearing a certain pair today. Damn.

With all the house junk I managed to get done, I still had time to fit in a solid 3 hours of TV. You gotta have your priorities.

Labels: Lauren, Migraines, Misc.

Last night, I was running late after work to pick up Lauren because there was a storm and everyone was driving 2kms/hr. Made it across town from the north side just in time to pick Jon up from work at 5:30. There was rain all afternoon which made the 15cm of snow we got earlier in the day a lovely mess. By the time we got home and went inside, my feet were soaked. I picked the wrong day to wear the Fugg boots, which have about zero percent water resistance. So, Jon goes back to work while I peel off my soaking boots and socks.

Once we were settled and I got into some warm clothes, I gave Lauren her supper. Mine will have to wait since I’ve decided to make a cake before giving Lauren her bath. Lauren has decided that applesauce is yucky right now so I have a whole bunch left in the fridge. Mmmm, applesauce cake. So, I whip up the batter from scratch, pour in to my new (3yrs old but never used) 9x13 glass pan and put in the oven.

On to the bath. Grab some jammies for Lauren and put them on the coffee table for after the bath. BANG! What the hell was that? Oh well, come on Lauren let’s go ha- POP!

This can’t be good. I walk over to the oven only to discover that the never-been-used pan has just exploded in the oven. Shit. At least it was thick batter so it didn’t really spread too far. And the glass was tempered so it pretty much just shattered into convenient marble size pieces. I decided to turn the oven off and just leave the door wide open to let it cool. I leave, gate off the kitchen and give Lauren her bath.

Damn, I really wanted that cake….

After the bath, I get Lauren into her jammies. Time to clean up the oven. I grab the wooden box my Clementines came in for the wreckage and start grabbing the big pieces of glass. I got most of the cake into the box in 3 shots but in turn, sent some glass into the pots and pans drawer. I grab the giant spatula we got at Marshall's and use it to scoop up as much off the bottom of the oven as possible. Gross but true fact, I haven't cleaned that oven since we moved in 4 years ago and I was really hoping not to ever have to. In fact, I don't think I've ever cleaned an oven period. Stupid glass pan for ruining my good record. That being said, the oven wasn't really even dirty. When the oven is clean and I open the pots and pans drawer and pick out the pieces that fell in.

Finally finished the clean up and I give Lauren a bottle. We sit and read stories until Jon gets home at 7. No supper yet. Jon shows up and tells me the car is ready for me downstairs. So, good night kisses to Lauren and a quick goodbye to Jon and then I’m off to meet my mom. She had tickets for Lord of the Dance at the Aitken Centre and asked me to go along.

It’s now 7:10 and the show starts at 7:30. Crap, gotta hurry up. I decide to park in the back lot by the hospital. I drive down Priestman St and realize that everyone else had that plan, too. And then when I get to the bottom of the street, I see that the lot is full and I’m supposed to park at Chapman’s field in the university. Super. I drive all the way down to the field and end up parking 1 spot from the end. Ugh, it’s going to be a mighty long and very wet walk up. This show better be worth the wet socks and pant legs. I’m about halfway up when I run into a family of four who had very nice shoes on and therefore were struggling trying to cross a small water-filled ditch to get up the hill. 1-2-3 make it. 4 was slipping and then down she went bum and all into the water. In my true nature, I watched and then went around them. I was quite a ways in front of them and I turned around just to see if they made it, nope, she’s now trying unsuccessfully to get up the hill that might have been 6 feet long.

I get to the Aitken Centre and come to the conclusion that I’m not in as bad of shape as I thought. Nice. I grab my ticket from the box office and locate my mom who is seated at the top of the section. One more climb won’t kill me. The show starts and it’s great, definitely worth the wet feet and legs.

Intermission, time for supper: a bag of chips and a bottle of water. Better than nothing. I can’t even talk because I’m so hungry I’m literally pulling chips out of the bag faster than I can chew them.

Last half of the show is also great. I really commend those dancers on their stamina. Feet shouldn’t move that fast and I’m pretty sure they’re robots. At one point, they were moving so quickly, it was almost impossible to tell what steps they were doing! As much as I loved the dancing, my favorite parts were when the two violinists came out. They played so beautifully that I almost lost a contact for forgetting to blink. Something about how violins can so easily harmonize and create such emotion really moves me.

Shows over and I practically sprint to the car to beat the traffic. It works and I’m home by 9:30. Jon made a pizza and we watched some tv until bedtime.

Some thoughts I had through the LotD performance.
“Wow, those are some queer masks.”
“What a whore, I bet she learned those moves on the stripper pole.”
“Yep, they’re robots all right.”

Labels: Lauren, Misc.

Labels: [Insert Company Name Here]

So, Lauren turned 17 months yesterday. 18 months can’t come soon enough. Why, you ask? Because that’s the agreed upon age that Jon and I have decided to stop giving Lauren her bottle. She only has one at night and it’s usually 15 to 30 minutes prior to bedtime. She doesn’t need it for comfort; it’s just become part of our routine. She didn’t have any problem, whatsoever, giving up any of the other bottles, why should this be any different? I feel that the longer we wait, the more she’ll expect it and scream for it when we try and take it away. If I had my way, she would have stopped having bottles all together at a year old.

That was my plan anyway. Jon seemed to disagree. Jon’s argument is two-fold: nutrition and other parents don’t stop the bottle until at least 2 years. Holy Christ, if Lauren still has a bottle at 2, it means I’ve killed myself trying to convince Jon she doesn’t need it and he got his way.

He’s worried that it seems like she doesn’t eat enough. Portion size does not equate to how healthy you are. Just because she ate the equivalent of one normal meal all day doesn’t mean she’s not getting enough nutrients. Kids are fickle things. One day they eat next to nothing, the next they eat you out of house and home and then go through fazes where all they would eat nothing but jam sandwiches and pickles. As long as proper food is offered and you do your best to get them to eat it, they’ll be fine. You don’t see many adults walking around having bottles because they missed lunch, do you? There are all sorts of things you can do to supplement, if needed.

If you’ve seen the way Lauren packs it away most of the time, you’d agree with me. She’s learning and growing, she doesn’t need it, and I’m sick of cleaning and making up bottles. The money spent between bottle liners and formula could be better spent buying coffee and donuts.

As far as other parents are concerned, I feel that kids over the age of 2 should not be getting bottles. It angers me when I see older kids with bottles. Seriously, can you still use the nutrition excuse with a 3 ½ year old? That just screams lazy parent who hasn’t taken the time to wean their kid. Unless it's medically necessary for your child, parents should stop letting their kids wants outway their needs. Just because they want their bottle doesn't mean you can't take it away and offer a small snack instead.


Bottles are for babies and if you can use a cup, use a cup. Break the habit early, it’s better for the child. I have 2 rules about bottles and sippy cups at my house: 1. NEVER put formula in a sippy cup and 2. NEVER put any other liquid other than formula in a bottle. Bottles are for formula and sippy cups are for everything else. You want juice, ok, here’s a cup. That way, the kids get used to getting liquids from another source than the bottle. Why would you give chocolate milk or Coke in a bottle? God damn it, people.

Labels: Lauren

So far it's been two days back to work and not much has changed. I expected to be assigned work yesterday but was met with an out-of-town-til-wed team lead and 2 team members MIA. So, I cleaned all the decorations off my desk and started the new book Jon got me for Christmas "Forever Odd" by Dean Koontz. I got about a third of the way through yesterday since I shared my time between reading and brainless web surfing. Today, I'm about 2 thirds done and it's not yet 2pm.

I guess I was hoping the new work year would start off better. Boy, was I wrong. I always had hope during my long stretches of waiting for work, that it would come "any day now". I had the twinge of hope in the back of my mind that helped me make it back to work each day. Today is no different and my sanity rests with people who keep me out of the loop. I'm trying to stay positive and keep my nose in a book so they can't see the pout. If this keeps up, I'm going to have to go get a library card because books are effing expensive.

** 4pm and I'm done my book. Good read. But now I'm bored again.

Labels: [Insert Company Name Here]

I’ve been reading a lot about everyones New Years resolutions and recaps of the last year. It’s made me think that I should sit down and reflect upon my own year.

I started a new job almost exactly a year ago that seemed to be exactly what I was looking for. An easy job with little responsibility, fun people and a ton of flex time. Jon was on parental leave and got a great opportunity to stay home and bond with Lauren. Everything was great until June. That’s when the year took an unfortunate turn for the worst. I was switched to a new project that I really didn’t want any part of, but the boss asks me to switch and my old project was so slow there was no work for me. What was I going to do? Say Um, no thanks? Not so much. I’ve spent most of my time since being transferred, being confused and waiting for stuff. I’ve been so bored and frustrated that I’ve been brought to tears. I have been verbally assaulted by an over-worked stressed out man, which again caused me to break down and cry. And I have been sent mixed messages about others thoughts on my “commitment to the company”, which again sent me into a crying fit.

This company defines stress, they expect a lot when it’s busy (by which I mean they ask if you can work over time and berate you when you say no) and in my case, don’t give you proper training and then wonder why you’re so unhappy about the task assigned. But you guys gave heard enough about how horrible they are. The last thing I have to say about stress and work is at least I have medication now to tune those bastards out when I need it.

One thing good came out of this new job. I made a really great friend who's helped me get through the rough times and always offers a kind ear to my ramblings. He doesn't always have the answers but he'll always offer up a good laugh to make me forget about my troubles. Thank you for that, Jackamo, you really do make [Insert company name here] more bareable.

Money has played a big part of my personal stress this year. We’ve been very close to losing most of what we have. The baby has cost us virtually nothing aside from formula and diapers because we have a really great family. The money woes stem from student loans and credit card debt. The good side is that we had the good sense to seek help and steer clear of bankruptcy. We are finally stable and have enough money to make ends meet, though we have nothing for much else. Buh-bye fun, hello strict budget. This past year was really hard and I’m thankful that my marriage was strong enough to endure it. Most couples fight about money and it takes a toll on them. We don’t. We never have and that makes all this financial stuff easier to deal with. We both understand the hole we’ve dug and now we’re both sacrificing to get out of it. We are a good team, if only we’d stop fighting about who gets to sleep in and who has to get up early with Lauren.

I would have to say that this last year has been one of my worst and best. Our family has gone through some really rough financial patches and I’ve had the worst year of my working life. On the other hand I’ve had the honor of being the mom of the greatest kid I’ve ever known. She makes all the bad stuff worthwhile and if I had the chance to do everything all over again from when it all started to go down hill, I wouldn’t because then I wouldn’t have her. Jon and I couldn’t have created a more perfect human being, which is the best reason why we won’t be having any more children. How do you top perfection?

I’ve always said that resolutions are useless because they’re never kept. But this year will be different. My New Years Resolution? I vow to be more positive in my professional life. My boss ambushed me with my work review and for the most part it was good (whew…) but I was told that my negative attitude was affecting others. Well, no matter how much this job sucks, it’s become quite clear to me that I am stuck with it. I will from now on try and project a more positive persona or at least keep my displeasure to myself.

Labels: [Insert Company Name Here], Jon, Lauren, Money