Not The Favorite

Sunday, January 14, 2007

Forced Anti-Socialism

I’m sick and tired of putting forth the effort in my friendships and getting nothing in return. I’ve considered myself to be somewhat anti-social because I don’t have many friends. But lately I’ve realized that I have no problem meeting people, talking to others and generally being a friendly person. I send emails and make phone calls, but it seems I never get any out of the blue. I’ll call just to say hi. I’ll send an email just because. And yet, I don’t receive any. Why? I have no idea. Is there something about me that makes people not want to talk to me? I’ve asked myself that many times and I can’t seem to find the answer.

I know people who only contact others if they need something. Well, I believe that being a friend involves more than just fulfilling a need to “get something”. I like to keep in touch with people and just see how things are going. I actually had a “friend” who never answered my calls and didn’t respond to emails. I know what you are thinking but this is also the same person who sent me an email when she found out she was a pregnant and I got an invite to her wedding. She always initiates the whole “we should get together more often” when we do manage to get together but never follows through.

Makes me angry. If you want to be my friend, make an effort. Even my current friends don’t call to say hi. Or send an email to say hi. Why do I always have to make the first contact? You’re fingers aren’t broken, but mine are done working for nothing. You want to be my friend? Fine, do something about it because I won’t any more.

This hasn’t stemmed from any incident or anything. I’ve had this problem my whole life. I ask Jon what it is about me that people don’t like and he doesn’t know, or he does and just doesn’t want to tell me. All I want is to have a close circle of friends who care about each other enough to want to talk to each other. Just because. Is that so much to ask?

There’s no way to make this sound like it means all of my friends but those who need this wake up will know who they are. Just ask yourself when the last time you initiated a conversation with me and you can either rule yourself out or realize what an ass you are.

I don’t intend for this post to make people upset with me, I just want you to realize that I’m hurt. And there are quite a few people that this applies to but will never read it.


posted by LadyLipgloss at 8:40 PM


It's not you. Maybe they just don't take the initiative because they know you will? I don't know.
I have to admit that I'm pretty bad about keeping in contact with my out of town friends. I'm sure they feel the same way about me as you just described. It's not that I don't care...I don't know why I have such a hard time.

I understand why you feel hurt. I hope that maybe your post will make your friends realize. I also hope they don't get upset and realize you are hurt and not just pissed.

Good for you for voicing your feelings. Friendships are a 2 way street. Maybe we should ALL try to remember that and make a little more effort.

8:33 AM  

For the longest time, I only had a tiny circle of close friends, like 3, and I was always the one to initiate contact by phone, and later, by e-mail.

I stopped. Now I almost have more friends than I know what to do with. I said almost. I still make first contact, but my close friends now know that they have to make more of an effort.

It's definitely weeded out at least one friend with whom I thought I was close. Not so. I rarely hear from her. Usually when she wants something.

I don't know if this would work for you or not. But maybe if your friends don't understand after this post, it may be worth a try.

9:49 PM  

Three cheers for you!!!! I know exactly how you feel. I had some friends like that...notice I said had. I told them that my phone also receives incoming calls and it was gonna stop making outgoing calls. I would rather have a few close friends than a huge group of people who just want things.

3:57 PM  

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