Not The Favorite

Monday, November 14, 2011

This Long Long Weekend Needs Something... Ah yes, Alcohol.

This past weekend seemed to be the epitome of “long” weekend. And I think I need another one to spend entirely by myself to make up for it.

Friday, I started the day off by taking care of Jon and cleaning up his puke covered jacket. (He had a fun night at some dude’s birthday party) I gave him a cold glass of water, Advil, Gravol and a cold Magic Bag. He told me that I take better care of him then he does me when I’m hungover. I told him that I knew and it was because I loved him. Did I mention it was supposed to be MY day to sleep in? Right…

Lauren went out for a play date around 3pm and I called at 7 to see if she wanted to come home. Nope, not yet. She called an hour later to come and pick her up. When I get there, she’s obviously tired and crawls her way to the door. Something is wrong and I’m surprised no one called me sooner. She was weak, had an upset tummy and a headache. I carry her upstairs, get in the door and call to Jon that I need his help now. And when he slowly starts to get up, I yell, I need help NOW! I just wanted him to get her shoes and jacket off so I could put her right into bed. I grab the thermometer only to discover she’s got a fever, too. Later that night, I asked Jon to change the water bottle and the garbage.

Side note: Why the hell does Jon NEVER DO ANYTHING QUICKLY when I need him to, no matter how urgent I indicate it to be?? The goddamned house could be on fire and he'd either just saunter in OR assume I had it under control and continue doing whatever it is he's doing.

Moving on...

Saturday, Jon goes to work and Lauren wakes up still feeling horrible. High fever, headache, backache, throat hurts. So I decide to take her to the doctor and since the wait times are long at the clinics, we trek up to the Oromocto ER. My mom came with me to keep me company and Lauren proceeded to sleep on me almost the entire time. In fact, she slept on the couch before mom got there and the whole car ride, too. And if you know my kid, you know that this is COMPLETELY out of character for her. Anyway, the doctor (Dr Handsome, as I call him) thinks it’s a UTI so he gives us a prescription for amoxicillin and tells me he’ll check in with us in 48hours after the cultures for her urine test have come back.

On the way home, Lauren said something to me but I didn’t know what, so I just said mmhmm only to turn around a second later to see that she’s vomiting all over herself. My mom is FA-REAKING OUT trying to get a plastic bag I use as a garbage bag off the arm rest, but it’s attached so she’s panicking. As I’m pulling over, I just tell Lauren that it’s ok and to just let it out. Mom finally frees up the bag and Lauren finishes puking in it. Once the car stops, I jump out and rush to Lauren and realize MUCH too late that I had placed my purse at her feet and she’s just thrown up alllllll over it. At least the pockets were closed but still, it’s time for a new one. She’s thrown up all over her booster and the seat, too. Once we get home, I clean all that up as Lauren rests on the couch.

FYI, the water and garbage were not changed. It’s hard to keep a girl hydrated with no water. Just sayin.

I still have to pick Jon up at 5. And when I get Lauren back into the car, settled and instructed to puke into the thermal coffee mug I found in the car, I notice there are a couple of guys walking into the parking lot. I assumed Laurie was having guests so I didn’t think too much of it until one of the guys stops at my car window. This guy is wearing a nice black suit/tuxedo. So I rolled down the window and he asks me if I could do him a big favor. His truck ran out of gas and he and his buddy are supposed to be attending a wedding very soon up at Kingswood. Could I possibly drive them to his house to get another vehicle to go get gas? And I said sure! (I'm feeling risky...) But I could only take one of them. (I left out the reason was because my back seat was recently covered in vomit.) So I drove the older man to his house about 2 minutes up the street and he was very appreciative. Went to get Jon and everything was fairly quiet for the rest of the night.

Sunday morning, the water and garbage are finally changed. And I get a phone call from the ER doctor checking to see how Lauren was doing. I seriously couldn’t believe how nice this doctor was. The cultures weren’t back yet, he just wanted to check in. I love you Dr. Dickinson and if you’re willing to change the water bottle and garbage when I ask you, I’ll make a swap right now. Seriously.

Anyway, the afternoon came and it was time to get groceries. This is where the weekend really came to a head. (The "you" is Jon)

You’re mad at me because I dare look into the shopping cart and ask why you want $12 of chowder mix. I never told you to put it back. I never even mentioned it again. I simply asked a question. In fact, I was excited to eat the seafood chowder that night.

You’re mad because I don’t want to pay $5 for a single Lunchmate and suggest the 2/$5 ones instead.

I asked if you wanted to go down certain aisles and you answer no, so I ask you if you’re on a health kick, again you say no.

In the car, I ask why you’re upset and you tell me it’s because you feel like you can’t get anything you want at the grocery store.

I tell you to go screw yourself and you can do the shopping all by yourself next time. Where the hell are MY splurge items?? Oh right, there aren't any!

Back story: The last time we went grocery shopping, Jon decided to go on a snack spree. So he piles the cart full of fixings for guacamole and bacon wrapped scallops, and grabs a box of mini beef wellingtons. We’re not made of money and have a grocery budget so I asked if we really needed all this food for one night. He got pissy then, too. I should point out that nothing got put back. We bought everything in the cart.

Monday morning, I asked Jon if he remembered to give Lauren her antibiotics and he said no. (He rarely remembers) So he gave them to her and I put down the syringe on the coffee table so I could continue doing her hair. I asked him to rinse it out. Twice. And he told me he didn’t know what I was talking about. So I said forget it! I’ll do it myself and he said, ohhhh.

I’m heading down to the car carrying my non-vomit purse, Lauren’s backpack, her skates to be sharpened, a booster seat and car keys. At this point, I’m just so... exasperated at everything that happened over the weekend, that the sight off Jon’s red D&D backpack where Lauren’s booster seats goes, just throws me over the edge and I throw everything on the ground and yell God Damn It!

I just want to sit down, point to everyone and say fuck you and fuck you  and fuck you. And especially fuck you to you.

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posted by LadyLipgloss at 3:48 PM 0 LEAVE A COMMENT, BITCHES!!!

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

No Witty Title For This One

Happy Belated Canada Day! It's been a doozy. It's been drama, drama, drama around the Carson household since 2am last night when Jon and I heard some unusual noise.

Jon was getting into bed last night when these noises started. It sounded like things were being thrown around and I initially thought it was coming from Lauren's room, like she was chucking toys around but quickly ruled that out when we both jumped out of bed and ran into the living room. The sound was out in the hallway. Sounded to me like someone stumbling around drunk, like really drunk. Jon thought it sounded more like pounding. Well, we were both right. Then CRASH! Like someone dropped a box of dishes, then the building front door slammed and I saw a car peel out of our driveway narrowly missing a parked Jeep. I recognized the car and right away knew it was the loud girl. Jon checked out the hallway only to discover she had kicked out the glass in our landlords front door. He was out cleaning up the mess and Jon offered a hand but only left our broom in the end. We went to bed and I made a note to vacuum the hallway if the LL hadn't.

In the morning, I vacuumed the tiny leftover shards and out of curiosity looked down the stairs. No surprise, there was a trail of blood leading all the way out the door.

Fast forward to about a half hour ago. Jon was talking to the LL and found out that after the loud girl peeled out, she was completely loaded and drove head on into oncoming traffic and is now in the ICU. Well, that explains the multiple sirens we heard go by about 15 minutes after the incident last night.

Like holy shit, what do you say to that? I guess we won't have to worry about her waking Lauren up any more. No one knows why she was so pissed when she got here. Maybe we won't ever know. Not that it's my business anyway.

More drama? OK, a loved one today threatened someone with a murder/suicide and is now in the psych ward at the DECH. This person has had some issues in the past few months (or so I thought) and the second floor is the best place for him. He needs professional help and I'm glad he's there, if only he could have gone through the proper channels. Apparently last year, there was a rehab stint kept very hush hush. We only found out today. I feel so helpless for this boy. He needs love and support from the two people who stupidly don't realize he so desperately yearns for it. How do they not know they need to be there, not in a few days but NOW? Yeah he pushes you away, but I suppose it's because he doesn't think you'll stick around long enough to really care about him anyway. It's terrible but I really believe that too. I shake my head and thank god that Jon will always be by his side when he needs it.

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posted by LadyLipgloss at 9:58 PM 2 LEAVE A COMMENT, BITCHES!!!

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Observations of the Random Variety

I hate Avis. I hate calling them to rent a car for Big Red. Damn it, trying to prepay for a rental car using a corporate card is like trying to give a cat bath. You come out bloodied and scarred and you know damn well the price was too much for the result. I’ve been transferred to a call centre here in Fredericton then to Oklahoma and then to that most irritating ‘click’ then the dial tone. I was told ask for the direct billing department, but then being told that they don’t have a direct billing department the next time you call. Next time, either the instructor rents their own car or they hitch hike. Period.

I’ve been in this family a long time and I’ll finally say it, What the hell are arse darts?!?! It sounds hilarious but I have no idea what you’re talking about. It can’t possibly be what I’m thinking, can it?

We finally bought a new TV last night, well new to us anyway. We got it off Kijiji (best site ever!) for $50. It’s a good thing it was the same make and almost same model as the set we already had because it didn’t come with a remote (seriously, who sells a TV with no remote?) Luckily it worked with our old remote and required no programming. Wow, I never knew how disgusting CSI really was until last night. I love it!

Congrats Stephanie and Trent on their wedding last Sat night. Leave it up to Dunphy’s to throw a rockin’ party. I had such an awesome time. Princess and I had to wait some time in the mobile bar for Jon to go get us a bottle opener so we could break into the rum coolers. (Whoever thought it would be a good idea to make a cooler without a twist-off cap should be shot.) Whilst waiting, we found mom’s camera. Nuff said.

Driving home last week, Lauren was playing with a pinwheel in her open window. She kept trying to stick the thing out the window and I finally told her to keep it in the car or mommy will take it away.

Her response “Not now mommy, I’m being funny! Hahahahaha!”

Speaking of Lauren, whoever thought potty-training was hard never met my kid. With the help of a strategically placed jar of potty treats (Reeses Pieces), she decided one day a month ago that she wanted those treats and since peeing on the potty was the only way to get them, she peed on the potty. She hasn't looked back since. She still wears a diaper to sleep but in the grand scheme of things, we're cool with that. We by-passed the Pull-up trap and went straight to wearing panties all day and she's done so great. No accidents! We've never pushed her to use the potty, we just planted the seed with the potty treats and let nature take its course. Jon and I are so proud of her!

While it's great she's potty trained, it's now created an awesome stall tactic at bedtime. If she's awake, she refuses to pee in her diaper so when she stands at her door and says she needs to go potty, we let her go. This is all well and good except for the times when you know she doesn't have to go. Those conversations generally go like this:

Me: "Ok, come and use the potty"
L: "Potty!!"
Me: "Sit down and go pee, please."
Sits down and laughs and moves around and is just happy to be out of her room.
Me: "Lauren, go pee please"
L: "Ok"
Me: "Do you have to pee or do you just want potty treats?"
L: Smiling at me. "Potty treats"

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posted by LadyLipgloss at 10:23 AM 4 LEAVE A COMMENT, BITCHES!!!

Sunday, September 30, 2007

Goldie

Everyone, meet Goldie. The newest member of the Carson family.


I'm sensing some sibling rivalry...

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posted by LadyLipgloss at 9:19 PM 5 LEAVE A COMMENT, BITCHES!!!

Friday, April 13, 2007

I Don't Even Know Her!

First off, I love my mother and father.

But...

Mom: Yesterday driving to work: Modern Electric van not moving at light speed nor willing to turn left into oncoming traffic "Move it, Jackass! Come ON!"

Mom: Today having lunch at Mei's: Two women are saying goodbye with the door open. Loudly, "Shut the door."

At least we haven't had a near death experience in rush hour traffic yet. Maybe she's saving that for next week...

Dad: Wednesday driving home in light 4pm traffic. Tailgating a black Echo by about 1 meter. I say "Drive a little closer will ya" as I brace for impact as he turns to look at me like I'm crazy for saying such a thing. Meanwhile, I see the "Fuck off, asshole" look on the passengers face glaring back at us in the Echo. I shoot the "Sorry man, nothing I can do" face right back.

I haven't had a scrunch-down-in-the-car-so-no-one-can-see-you experience since before I could drive. Dontcha just love carpooling?

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posted by LadyLipgloss at 3:52 PM 1 LEAVE A COMMENT, BITCHES!!!

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

In Remembrance of Jepetto the Cat

Our extended family, John and Erika, suddenly lost a dear friend yesterday . His name was Jepetto and he was a great cat. They had Petto and his buddy, Harvey, for 7 years and they were inseparable. Poor Petto, unknowingly, had diabetes and was in diabetic shock when they brought him to the vet. He was so sick and it was 50/50 if he would make it through the night.

Erika and John had to make the toughest decision any pet owner could ever have to make. They weighed the options of keeping him alive but in chronic pain due to side affects of the twice daily needles and strict diet or put him down after leading a full and extremely loved life. They decided that for Petto's best interest and for his quality of life, they would put him to rest.

I believe in my heart that they did the right thing for Petto, although it hurts so much to lose him. I know in time that Erika, John and Harvey will accept that this was the best thing they could have done and will always remember the fun times they had with each other.

So, to Petto, you were a beloved friend, companion and playmate and you will never be forgotten.

Rest In Peace little buddy.

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posted by LadyLipgloss at 9:07 AM 3 LEAVE A COMMENT, BITCHES!!!

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Nothing exciting.

Not a whole lot has happened in the last few days. The weekend was full of running around and family fun. Saturday included our regular trip to the market and Sunday we had a good old family corn boil at Mactaquac.

Ah, the corn boil. So many children in one spot. I guess I forget how many kids there are in our family until we group them all together. It was pretty fun but we could only stay for a couple of hours because we were then off to the christening of our friends baby. I was really worried Lauren would have a freak out right in the middle of it but she was really good. It was a pretty casual affair and I didn't feel like I had to worry too much about Lauren making noise or wanting to get up and walk around. Which is good since I have no control over what comes out of her mouth.

I think I hit a boring patch in the life of Jenn.

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posted by LadyLipgloss at 9:43 PM 0 LEAVE A COMMENT, BITCHES!!!