Not The Favorite

Monday, June 01, 2009

Husbandcide With a Side of Why you Little!!

It all started this morning at 2:56am. I heard little footsteps come into our bedroom. She then proceeded to chuck a pillow, blanket and giant stuffed frog onto the bed. After snuggling between Jon and I, Lauren then decided to send me out for her water. I got the sippy cup out of her bed and gave it to her when she then said, mummy, and I said no (knowing full well she was about to ask for “fresh” water.) About ten minutes later she said she wanted to go back to her room. Fine. So I get her and her entourage back to her room, kiss her good night and leave. I get up two more times to 1) turn on a light for her, 2) turn off the volcano light because “something’s wrong with it” and switch on the penguin light instead. When I heard a final MUMMYYYYY come screaming out of her room, she got a LAUREN BE QUIET!! And that was that until 7am.

Of course she won’t wake up at 7am. How can one wake up so early after spending an hour awake at 3am? I know she spent more time awake after I put her back to bed because she had new blankets, Spiderman slippers on and books all over her bed. So when I try to wake her up to get dressed and have breakfast, she turns all teenager on me. When she finally gets out of bed, getting dressed is no issue but breakfast (damn you breakfast) is like pulling teeth. She won’t say what she wants and I don’t have time to fart around about it. So it’s 7:45, the time we need to leave, when she decided she wants eggs and toast. I’m all No way. You should’ve said that sooner because now we don’t have time. You can have a granola bar on the way.

Well she didn’t want that so I told her she wouldn’t be having breakfast this morning. I would think she’d be pretty hungry by snack time. Well Jon seemed to think she’d wither away to nothing and frantically started making her what she wanted. WTF buddy? I’m trying to teach a lesson here and you go and shit all over it! She’s always pulling this kind of crap at breakfast time and she needs to learn what will happen if she continues to dick around in the morning. I guess she’ll just learn that she gets whatever she wants from daddy.

I was fuming and decided that if he was going be a jerkass, I was going to be passive aggressive. So I started doing stupid things just to be in the way, like water the plants.

After we get shoes on, Lauren and I head down to the car. And out in the hallway, doesn’t she body-check our landlords plant. God DAMN IT! If I ever see her touch that plant again, so help her cute little butt. She was lucky I didn’t reach down and throttle her right then and there.

She got a kiss goodbye. Jon didn’t. I thought to myself on the way into work, is there a term for killing one’s husband or is it just called murder…

Labels: ,

posted by LadyLipgloss at 10:18 AM


its not classified as murder but why let them out of the misery so easily? Removing small peices of their manhood one at a time is much more fun. Cuz if they are going to be stupid idiots they deserve all the bad stuff we can do to them.

4:10 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home