Not The Favorite
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
A Bunch O' Crap Not Important Enough To Post About Individually. And I'm Lazy.
- Last weekend , Lauren was dressed up like Cinderella and was being a very demanding. I told her that princesses have a lot of patience. She said "Well, not this one."
- At work today, I came across two funny names. Some poor shmuck named Nimrod and another named Carl Carlson. Hahaha. I also received a phone call last week and the Caller Id came up as Peter Griffin. Love it!
- Another bout of tonsillitis for Lauren. I want them out but I don't want them out. Guess it's not my call now is it. Meh, at least she loves the banana medicine.
- I fought the insurance company. And WON! Seriously, how often does that happen??
- I'm ready to get rid of the cat. SOOOOO ready. Now, if only Jon would get to this point, too.
- Pretty proud of our pumpkins this year. And Lauren actually put her hands inside the pumkpin without whining. Which is odd because she whined about everything else today.
Don't Make Me Draw a Line, Lady!
Bathrooms on the second floor are being renovated at work. So we have a bit more traffic here in the third floor bathroom.
I understand that the bathroom is also used for retouching your lipstick and brushing your teeth, but this is NOT your personal bathroom, stupid TD bank lady. Keep your shit on YOUR side of the counter. Otherwise, I may not be so careful while washing my hands and either knock your purse into the sink or splash water in it.
Have a little consideration please!
I understand that the bathroom is also used for retouching your lipstick and brushing your teeth, but this is NOT your personal bathroom, stupid TD bank lady. Keep your shit on YOUR side of the counter. Otherwise, I may not be so careful while washing my hands and either knock your purse into the sink or splash water in it.
Have a little consideration please!
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Welcome to LadyTown
TMI Alert! If you DON’T want to hear about my lady parts, please stop reading….. NOW!
No more kids for us, thank you very much. I told the nurse at the doctors office during my yearly appointment that we decided one is enough and that I wanted a more permanent, but not permanent, solution other than birth control pills. I also told her I didn’t want periods anymore and that I’d rather live without my uterus (joking but completely serious). When the doctor came in, he said “So you want to be sterilized.” Jeez, when you put it THAT way, not really. He told me to go see my gyno and since I already had an appointment there for something else, I said “Sure!”
A few weeks later, I met with my gyno and we decided to go with the Mirena IUD because it has hormones in it that will pretty much stop me from having periods for the next 5 years. Sweet!! Oh and no babies. Yay! She wrote me up a prescription and made an appointment to have it put it two weeks later. She also told me to take an Advil prior to my appointment as there may be some discomfort. Sounds good, I say!
After some discussion with my insurances companies, I go to get my IUD from the pharmacy. And sweet merciful crap! For something that's supposed to fit in my tiny uterus, the box was HUGE! I’m talking a foot-long-no-where-near-discreet box. It was a bit intimidating and I got a little scared.
Fast forward to D-day. About an hour before my appointment, I pop three Advil instead of the recommended one. I have a high tolerance, ok?? I get there, wait about a half hour and then get called into a room. The doctor opens the big ass Mirena box and shows me that only a tiny portion is the actual IUD and the rest is the applicator. Yup, a foot-long applicator. Nice. She leaves so I can get undressed and while she’s out there, I overhear her saying she’s been having contractions all day and she’s 4cm dilated. Did I mention she’s enormously pregnant and due that week? I’m pretty sure my appointment was her last for a few months at least.
I’m all set to go when she comes back in, and we get started. I’m getting woozy just thinking about all this. Seriously.
First she makes sure that my cervix is dilated enough by poking me with a long plastic stick. A little uncomfortable, but nothing more that my yearly pap. Then she makes sure she can reach the top of my uterus with that stupid stick. OUCH! Didn’t quite reach all the way. Better try again. FUCKING OUCH! Ah yes, everything is good. She puts in the IUD and …
MOTHER OF GOD!! I’m practically HALLUCINATING the pain is so excruciating. I swear, I thought someone was stabbing me repeatedly in each hip. And even though I couldn’t see them stabbing me, I sure as hell wanted to choke them! The doctor kept asking me if I was ok. Uh, NO I’m NOT ok! Does it look like I’m ok?!?! As I’m writhing on the table trying to strangle the air.
Did you know there is a nerve that goes from your uterus directly to your heart? Apparently, by shoving plastic in there and causing a whole lot of pain, your heart slows down thereby causing a person to faint. My doctor is trying to explain this to me while I’m trying not to faint. Thanks for the lesson! The more you know…
Oh and the Advil? Who are you trying to fool people?? Some Vicodin would have been MUCH more appreciated, and called for.
Eventually the pain starts to dissipate and I tell her I’m fine to get dressed. But she waits outside the curtain in case I faint. I walked out to the waiting room to meet Jon and as I’m walking I could see at least 2 nurses and my doctor watching me like a hawk. Jon looked at me and asked “What the hell did they do to you in there?” Guess, I didn’t look so good. By the time I reached him, I was seeing stars and had felt the blood drain completely from my head and into my feet. I sat down and the nurse got me another chair so I could stretch out, she also got me a cold cloth for my head. Lauren was there waiting for me, too, and she felt it important to ask me over and over again for a lollipop. At that moment, she could have asked for a Mercedes and a million dollars in small unmarked bills and I would have complied. I laid there for about 10 minutes until I felt confident that I could make it to the car without passing out.
That night is just awful. Absolutely awful. The cramping is intense. I was not prepared for how much it would hurt while it settled in there. I’m taking four advil every 3 hours and all I can do is lay on the couch with a heating pad. I even go to sleep with it on and then bring it to work with me the next day. Even though the next day the cramps are still pretty uncomfortable, it’s bearable.
That’s my lady parts story. It’s been about 3 weeks now and I don’t even think about it anymore. And I won’t for another 5 years. Though I wonder if it’s less painful the second time around…
No more kids for us, thank you very much. I told the nurse at the doctors office during my yearly appointment that we decided one is enough and that I wanted a more permanent, but not permanent, solution other than birth control pills. I also told her I didn’t want periods anymore and that I’d rather live without my uterus (joking but completely serious). When the doctor came in, he said “So you want to be sterilized.” Jeez, when you put it THAT way, not really. He told me to go see my gyno and since I already had an appointment there for something else, I said “Sure!”
A few weeks later, I met with my gyno and we decided to go with the Mirena IUD because it has hormones in it that will pretty much stop me from having periods for the next 5 years. Sweet!! Oh and no babies. Yay! She wrote me up a prescription and made an appointment to have it put it two weeks later. She also told me to take an Advil prior to my appointment as there may be some discomfort. Sounds good, I say!
After some discussion with my insurances companies, I go to get my IUD from the pharmacy. And sweet merciful crap! For something that's supposed to fit in my tiny uterus, the box was HUGE! I’m talking a foot-long-no-where-near-discreet box. It was a bit intimidating and I got a little scared.
Fast forward to D-day. About an hour before my appointment, I pop three Advil instead of the recommended one. I have a high tolerance, ok?? I get there, wait about a half hour and then get called into a room. The doctor opens the big ass Mirena box and shows me that only a tiny portion is the actual IUD and the rest is the applicator. Yup, a foot-long applicator. Nice. She leaves so I can get undressed and while she’s out there, I overhear her saying she’s been having contractions all day and she’s 4cm dilated. Did I mention she’s enormously pregnant and due that week? I’m pretty sure my appointment was her last for a few months at least.
I’m all set to go when she comes back in, and we get started. I’m getting woozy just thinking about all this. Seriously.
First she makes sure that my cervix is dilated enough by poking me with a long plastic stick. A little uncomfortable, but nothing more that my yearly pap. Then she makes sure she can reach the top of my uterus with that stupid stick. OUCH! Didn’t quite reach all the way. Better try again. FUCKING OUCH! Ah yes, everything is good. She puts in the IUD and …
MOTHER OF GOD!! I’m practically HALLUCINATING the pain is so excruciating. I swear, I thought someone was stabbing me repeatedly in each hip. And even though I couldn’t see them stabbing me, I sure as hell wanted to choke them! The doctor kept asking me if I was ok. Uh, NO I’m NOT ok! Does it look like I’m ok?!?! As I’m writhing on the table trying to strangle the air.
Did you know there is a nerve that goes from your uterus directly to your heart? Apparently, by shoving plastic in there and causing a whole lot of pain, your heart slows down thereby causing a person to faint. My doctor is trying to explain this to me while I’m trying not to faint. Thanks for the lesson! The more you know…
Oh and the Advil? Who are you trying to fool people?? Some Vicodin would have been MUCH more appreciated, and called for.
Eventually the pain starts to dissipate and I tell her I’m fine to get dressed. But she waits outside the curtain in case I faint. I walked out to the waiting room to meet Jon and as I’m walking I could see at least 2 nurses and my doctor watching me like a hawk. Jon looked at me and asked “What the hell did they do to you in there?” Guess, I didn’t look so good. By the time I reached him, I was seeing stars and had felt the blood drain completely from my head and into my feet. I sat down and the nurse got me another chair so I could stretch out, she also got me a cold cloth for my head. Lauren was there waiting for me, too, and she felt it important to ask me over and over again for a lollipop. At that moment, she could have asked for a Mercedes and a million dollars in small unmarked bills and I would have complied. I laid there for about 10 minutes until I felt confident that I could make it to the car without passing out.
That night is just awful. Absolutely awful. The cramping is intense. I was not prepared for how much it would hurt while it settled in there. I’m taking four advil every 3 hours and all I can do is lay on the couch with a heating pad. I even go to sleep with it on and then bring it to work with me the next day. Even though the next day the cramps are still pretty uncomfortable, it’s bearable.
That’s my lady parts story. It’s been about 3 weeks now and I don’t even think about it anymore. And I won’t for another 5 years. Though I wonder if it’s less painful the second time around…
Saturday, October 03, 2009
It's All In The Name
This is what my life is now. Poop.
"WHOA! This poop is HUGE!" I said after wiping Lauren's bum. "Jon get in here!"
Jon - "That's a big poop!"
Me - "That thing is so big it should have a name."
Lauren - "Yeah, like Molasses."
I love my kid :)
"WHOA! This poop is HUGE!" I said after wiping Lauren's bum. "Jon get in here!"
Jon - "That's a big poop!"
Me - "That thing is so big it should have a name."
Lauren - "Yeah, like Molasses."
I love my kid :)
Friday, September 18, 2009
Sure Hope That Horse Shoe Doesn't Come Out...
It’s my lllllucky day!!
I had an appt this morning at the doctor so I dropped Jon off at work. Drove to the Regent Street clinic, had a GREAT appt with my doctor and then I left. I paid my three dollars to get out of the parking lot and just happen to glance down at the change tray of the parking machine and low and behold! There is a toonie and a loonie just sitting there (not mine, I heard them go in properly). So grab them and keep going! Free Parking!!
Then I parked in the garage next to my office and used the found three dollars for the three hours of parking I’ll need until it’s time to go get Jon.
So I’m working away, looking for a piece of paper in a storage box full of single pieces of paper and VOILA! There it is. Beautiful!
Our IT dept finally fixed the printer that's been broken since June, and I helped just a wee bit. Still, it's fixed!!
Then I get great news from Jon that the prescription I was given this morning at my wonderful appt is covered under our health plan. YES!! That just saved me $400.
Time to go get Jon! (Could there BE more exclamation marks?? Yup!!) So I go down the stairway at work and BAM! Almost run into my buddy Jack. I haven’t seen Jack since I left [Insert company name here], over 2 years ago. I practically got whiplash my head spun around so fast. What a great surprise! He now works on the next floor down. We’ll have to have lunch soon.
And then when I get back from switching out the car with Jon, there is cake waiting for me at work!! Yum!!
This has been such an awesome day so far and it’s only 2:00. Hopefully it doesn’t go downhill from here…
Everything is coming up Jenn!!
I had an appt this morning at the doctor so I dropped Jon off at work. Drove to the Regent Street clinic, had a GREAT appt with my doctor and then I left. I paid my three dollars to get out of the parking lot and just happen to glance down at the change tray of the parking machine and low and behold! There is a toonie and a loonie just sitting there (not mine, I heard them go in properly). So grab them and keep going! Free Parking!!
Then I parked in the garage next to my office and used the found three dollars for the three hours of parking I’ll need until it’s time to go get Jon.
So I’m working away, looking for a piece of paper in a storage box full of single pieces of paper and VOILA! There it is. Beautiful!
Our IT dept finally fixed the printer that's been broken since June, and I helped just a wee bit. Still, it's fixed!!
Then I get great news from Jon that the prescription I was given this morning at my wonderful appt is covered under our health plan. YES!! That just saved me $400.
Time to go get Jon! (Could there BE more exclamation marks?? Yup!!) So I go down the stairway at work and BAM! Almost run into my buddy Jack. I haven’t seen Jack since I left [Insert company name here], over 2 years ago. I practically got whiplash my head spun around so fast. What a great surprise! He now works on the next floor down. We’ll have to have lunch soon.
And then when I get back from switching out the car with Jon, there is cake waiting for me at work!! Yum!!
This has been such an awesome day so far and it’s only 2:00. Hopefully it doesn’t go downhill from here…
Everything is coming up Jenn!!
Tuesday, September 08, 2009
One of "Those" Lists
Normally I think those "about me" lists that go around facebook are totally lame and stupid but I really like this one. So read it or go the hell away.
1.What was the last thing you put in your mouth? Chicken burger with ketchup
2.Where was your profile picture taken? Dominican
3.Can you play Guitar Hero? Yep, on easy.
4.Name someone who made you laugh today? Tenille on Hell's Kitchen. Damn that girl's funny.
5.How late did you stay up last night and why? 11pm, because that's bedtime.
6.If you could move somewhere else, would you? Nope.
7. Ever been kissed under fireworks? Not sure, which probably means no.
8. Which of your friends lives closest to you? Erika
9. Do you believe ex's can be friends? No way. At least none of my ex's.
10. How do you feel about Dr Pepper? Loves it
11. When was the last time you cried really hard? No idea.
12. Who took your profile picture? ME!
13. Who was the last person you took a picture of? Lauren
14. Was yesterday better than today? Yep
15. Can you live a day without TV? Hell no.
16. Are you upset about anything? Not at the moment
17. Do you think relationships are ever really worth it? For sure.
18. Are you a bad influence? Depends on the day and my mood.
19. Night out or night in? Night in.
20. What item could you not go without during the day? It's a tie between lipgloss and clothes. I hate to be naked but I really like glossy lips...
21. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital? Other than myself, it would have to be Erika when she had Jack.
22. What does the last text message in your inbox say? I don't text. GASP! No really, I don't.
23. How do you feel about your life right now? Bored. Ohhhhh, the boredom.
24. Do you hate anyone? Hate is such a strong word. More like tolerate a few people.
25. If we were to look in your Facebook inbox, what would we find? A hurtful message that I can't bring myself to delete.
26. Say you were given a drug test right now, would you pass? Yep
27. Has anyone ever called you perfect before? Yes but I'm pretty sure it was me.
28. What song is stuck in your head? I know you want me - Pitbull
29. Someone knocks on your window at 2:00 a.m., who do you want it to be? If someone knocks on my window at 2am, they better run because I will NOT be impressed by being woken up. Unless... it's someone holding a giant check worth millions of dollars.
30.Wanna have grandkids by the time you're 50? Grandkids?? I can't think past kindergarten and that's a year away.
31. Name something you have to do tomorrow? File. Ohhhh the filing.
32. Do you think too much or too little? Most days I just don't give a shit.
33. Do you smile a lot? It's my defense mechanism so YES!! :)
Side note: You're means you are. 'Nuff said.
1.What was the last thing you put in your mouth? Chicken burger with ketchup
2.Where was your profile picture taken? Dominican
3.Can you play Guitar Hero? Yep, on easy.
4.Name someone who made you laugh today? Tenille on Hell's Kitchen. Damn that girl's funny.
5.How late did you stay up last night and why? 11pm, because that's bedtime.
6.If you could move somewhere else, would you? Nope.
7. Ever been kissed under fireworks? Not sure, which probably means no.
8. Which of your friends lives closest to you? Erika
9. Do you believe ex's can be friends? No way. At least none of my ex's.
10. How do you feel about Dr Pepper? Loves it
11. When was the last time you cried really hard? No idea.
12. Who took your profile picture? ME!
13. Who was the last person you took a picture of? Lauren
14. Was yesterday better than today? Yep
15. Can you live a day without TV? Hell no.
16. Are you upset about anything? Not at the moment
17. Do you think relationships are ever really worth it? For sure.
18. Are you a bad influence? Depends on the day and my mood.
19. Night out or night in? Night in.
20. What item could you not go without during the day? It's a tie between lipgloss and clothes. I hate to be naked but I really like glossy lips...
21. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital? Other than myself, it would have to be Erika when she had Jack.
22. What does the last text message in your inbox say? I don't text. GASP! No really, I don't.
23. How do you feel about your life right now? Bored. Ohhhhh, the boredom.
24. Do you hate anyone? Hate is such a strong word. More like tolerate a few people.
25. If we were to look in your Facebook inbox, what would we find? A hurtful message that I can't bring myself to delete.
26. Say you were given a drug test right now, would you pass? Yep
27. Has anyone ever called you perfect before? Yes but I'm pretty sure it was me.
28. What song is stuck in your head? I know you want me - Pitbull
29. Someone knocks on your window at 2:00 a.m., who do you want it to be? If someone knocks on my window at 2am, they better run because I will NOT be impressed by being woken up. Unless... it's someone holding a giant check worth millions of dollars.
30.Wanna have grandkids by the time you're 50? Grandkids?? I can't think past kindergarten and that's a year away.
31. Name something you have to do tomorrow? File. Ohhhh the filing.
32. Do you think too much or too little? Most days I just don't give a shit.
33. Do you smile a lot? It's my defense mechanism so YES!! :)
Side note: You're means you are. 'Nuff said.
Wednesday, September 02, 2009
I'm Sorry
I'm sorry for this morning. As the passenger, I should've told you Aberdeen St. was coming up but I didn't and you missed the turn. I should've then let you turn around on Northumberland like you wanted to (green dot) instead I suggested you turn right on Saunders, right on Westmorland and then down Aberdeen. I'm sorry that I didn't tell you to turn left onto Aberdeen instead of right and you wound up going in a circle. (see diagram)
You can see on the diagram, we started out red, green is where it started to go wrong and then where red and blue connect is when it all fell apart.
I'm sorry you got so mad at me when I commented that you should know where you're going in a city you've lived in your whole life, on a route we take almost every day. I should've realized that you talking to our child while driving was far too distracting and that I should've been navigating.
I'm sorry I slammed the car door when I got out at work and then called you an asshole.
Tomorrow I'll be better, I promise.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Unleashing The Beast
** We had Lauren’s 4th birthday party last Saturday. All the kids had a great time and Lauren was super psyched to see all her old daycare friends there. She was playing on the front steps before the kids got there and I asked her to come out back since I was going to decorate and she wasn’t allowed to stay out front by herself. Lauren says to me “No. I want to wait out front for my customers!”
** Last evening, my sweet angel of a child turned into a RAGING LUNATIC and so did I. Out of food, we went to get groceries directly after work. Everything was going great until the checkout when Lauren decided she just didn’t want to listen anymore. We tried to get some food to-go at the deli counter but Lauren wasn’t having any part of that either. So I took 3 bags from the cart so Jon would have a place to put the deli stuff, he put her in my arms and off I went with my lunatic to find the car.
As soon as my feet hit the pavement, I turned into “that mother” and Lauren was “that kid”. There I was dragging a bawling Lauren by the wrist, shuffling the three bags in my arms, ranting about bad behavior while trying to find the car that Jon parked while I was in the store. Oh my god it was awful. As soon as we got home, Lauren went to her room until we decided it was time to release the beast. But by that time, she’d turned back into a good non-demon girl.
One funny part though and the reason I ended up dragging her by the wrist and not carrying her anymore. As I huffed out of the store carrying everything and everyone, Lauren yells "You're hurting my bits!!" I guess balancing her on my hip is hard on her bits now and everyone in the Superstore parking lot knows about it.
** Oh and thanks a LOT arseholes at work for not telling me about the piece of paper/Kleenex/napkin/whatever the hell it was that was stuck to my face ALL AFTERNOON.
