Not The Favorite

Friday, February 28, 2014

You're Wrong and I Hate You

I'm just going to say that I'm not ignorant. I understand why you think it's unethical to eat meat. I just want you to understand that beef is delicious.

I'm pretty sure you only asked the airline about its breastfeeding policy to stir shit up. If your son won't eat using a cover up and refuses a bottle, what option is left that would be an acceptable answer for you? Your options are either just whip your tit out and feed your son, then deal with the uncomfortable people around you, OR find the only private place in a plane, the bathroom, and feed him there. But eww, bathrooms are dirty. I get that. So just feed your son, because clearly that is the only option. Haven't you ever heard it's easier to ask for forgiveness than permission? Let's go with that, ok?

I've always been uncomfortable using a particular stall in the ladies room at work because it has unusually large gaps between the wall and the door. I don't want to give anyone a peep show. At least not for my co-workers, and definitely not for free. Anyway, I was in there today and walked past that stall, which was occupied. Granny panties. You can't unsee that.


posted by LadyLipgloss at 4:45 PM 0 LEAVE A COMMENT, BITCHES!!!

Monday, May 27, 2013

Wow. Where The Hell Did I Go?!

Yep, so it seems I fell off the planet. At least for a couple of years. I guess I just bored of typing up these long rants and opted for the shorter version on Facebook. But I feel like I should get back on board with my blog. I have so many stories I wish I blogged, or journaled someplace other than Facebook.

I'm going to try to do better, blog. I need this place to write things down so I don't forget.
posted by LadyLipgloss at 3:17 PM 0 LEAVE A COMMENT, BITCHES!!!

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

I Should Have Known To Stay At Home Today Because Here Come The 'Tards!

Lauren and I went to see Chip Wrecked today at the theatre and overall, it was a pretty good movie. Lauren had a great time and I enjoyed seeing her love it.

But holy hell people. Did the fucktards come out en mass today??

Some guy came in with at least a dozen kids and picks the two rows ahead of us, which is totally fine but doesn't he pick the ONE seat directly in front of Lauren to sit in?? So I switched seats with her so she could see. Not a huge deal deal, but really?? You saw her sitting there with me on one side and an empty seat on the other and you pick the one in front of her?

Then a woman decided she wanted the empty seats in our row (which by the way, were almost at the other end of the row) and proceeds to knock over some kids popcorn and just keep going. Then she comes back out and knocks over another girls drink, who was sitting next to me. She turns around and says oops then keeps going. What a bitch! So I asked the girls (rhetorically, of course) if it would be alright if I went to get them a new drink because that lady was very rude. They started to say no, but I insisted. I still can't believe that douche bag didn't even offer an apology. When I got back, the girls were very nice and I made sure to warn them to watch their drinks when yet another person almost knocked them over.

The next person who wanted in our row wanted the one empty seat next to me and the two empty seats next to the girls beside me. She asked me if I thought they would mind moving over, so I told her that she should really ask them and not me.

Then the movie starts up and some baby starts screaming. Not crying, screaming. For ten minutes, until finally the manager came and asked them to leave. What kind of dink parent doesn't think to leave for the sake of the rest of the people who paid to watch a movie, not listen to your devil spawn scream bloody murder, probably because you chose to sit in the FRONT row with an infant??

And lastly, the projection room left it's florescent light on, the whole effing time. WHY????


posted by LadyLipgloss at 3:31 PM 0 LEAVE A COMMENT, BITCHES!!!

Friday, November 18, 2011

It's All Fun and Games Until Someone Loses A Finger

Around this time of year, Lauren starts ice skating on a monthly basis with her after-school program. She loves to skate and sometimes I wish I could go with her. But then I remember that I don't own skates and I hate being cold.

I have this fear about Lauren skating. I keep picturing her falling down and then someone skating over her little fingers, severing them.

It gives me the heebies AND the jeebies.

I know there is an extremely tiny chance that this would ever happen but I still think about it. A lot. And it turns my stomach each time.

I really wish they sold thermal insulated chainmail mittens.


posted by LadyLipgloss at 9:49 AM 4 LEAVE A COMMENT, BITCHES!!!

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Attitude Isn't Just for Home Use

$20 just to type in 11 characters?? That's ridiculous! No, do not make this change.

Let me know if you waive this absurd fee and I'll change it then.

Jennifer Carson
Date: Wed, 16 Nov 2011 13:33:39 -0400
To: jldoucet
Subject: Fw: Phone Services

Hello Jennifer,

Thank you for contacting Bell Aliant,
We have received your email and appreciate that you have taken the time to write to us. We can certainly make that change for you. However, before we do, we would just like to make you aware of the $20 charge to have the change done to the directory listing. Do you still want us to make this change?If you have any further questions or inquiries feel free to contact us again.
Thank you for choosing Bell Aliant. We appreciate your business.

Have a great day!
Sandra Lc21384
E-Contact Agent
Bell Aliant - Your Bundles Expert
From: jldoucet
To: Customer Service
Sent: Wed, 16 Nov 2011 17:15:53 +0000
Subject: Phone Services

Name Jennifer Carson
Residential Phone 506 454-####

Please change my directory listing from


CARSON Jennifer&Jon

Please respond via email.


posted by LadyLipgloss at 3:20 PM 0 LEAVE A COMMENT, BITCHES!!!

Monday, November 14, 2011

This Long Long Weekend Needs Something... Ah yes, Alcohol.

This past weekend seemed to be the epitome of “long” weekend. And I think I need another one to spend entirely by myself to make up for it.

Friday, I started the day off by taking care of Jon and cleaning up his puke covered jacket. (He had a fun night at some dude’s birthday party) I gave him a cold glass of water, Advil, Gravol and a cold Magic Bag. He told me that I take better care of him then he does me when I’m hungover. I told him that I knew and it was because I loved him. Did I mention it was supposed to be MY day to sleep in? Right…

Lauren went out for a play date around 3pm and I called at 7 to see if she wanted to come home. Nope, not yet. She called an hour later to come and pick her up. When I get there, she’s obviously tired and crawls her way to the door. Something is wrong and I’m surprised no one called me sooner. She was weak, had an upset tummy and a headache. I carry her upstairs, get in the door and call to Jon that I need his help now. And when he slowly starts to get up, I yell, I need help NOW! I just wanted him to get her shoes and jacket off so I could put her right into bed. I grab the thermometer only to discover she’s got a fever, too. Later that night, I asked Jon to change the water bottle and the garbage.

Side note: Why the hell does Jon NEVER DO ANYTHING QUICKLY when I need him to, no matter how urgent I indicate it to be?? The goddamned house could be on fire and he'd either just saunter in OR assume I had it under control and continue doing whatever it is he's doing.

Moving on...

Saturday, Jon goes to work and Lauren wakes up still feeling horrible. High fever, headache, backache, throat hurts. So I decide to take her to the doctor and since the wait times are long at the clinics, we trek up to the Oromocto ER. My mom came with me to keep me company and Lauren proceeded to sleep on me almost the entire time. In fact, she slept on the couch before mom got there and the whole car ride, too. And if you know my kid, you know that this is COMPLETELY out of character for her. Anyway, the doctor (Dr Handsome, as I call him) thinks it’s a UTI so he gives us a prescription for amoxicillin and tells me he’ll check in with us in 48hours after the cultures for her urine test have come back.

On the way home, Lauren said something to me but I didn’t know what, so I just said mmhmm only to turn around a second later to see that she’s vomiting all over herself. My mom is FA-REAKING OUT trying to get a plastic bag I use as a garbage bag off the arm rest, but it’s attached so she’s panicking. As I’m pulling over, I just tell Lauren that it’s ok and to just let it out. Mom finally frees up the bag and Lauren finishes puking in it. Once the car stops, I jump out and rush to Lauren and realize MUCH too late that I had placed my purse at her feet and she’s just thrown up alllllll over it. At least the pockets were closed but still, it’s time for a new one. She’s thrown up all over her booster and the seat, too. Once we get home, I clean all that up as Lauren rests on the couch.

FYI, the water and garbage were not changed. It’s hard to keep a girl hydrated with no water. Just sayin.

I still have to pick Jon up at 5. And when I get Lauren back into the car, settled and instructed to puke into the thermal coffee mug I found in the car, I notice there are a couple of guys walking into the parking lot. I assumed Laurie was having guests so I didn’t think too much of it until one of the guys stops at my car window. This guy is wearing a nice black suit/tuxedo. So I rolled down the window and he asks me if I could do him a big favor. His truck ran out of gas and he and his buddy are supposed to be attending a wedding very soon up at Kingswood. Could I possibly drive them to his house to get another vehicle to go get gas? And I said sure! (I'm feeling risky...) But I could only take one of them. (I left out the reason was because my back seat was recently covered in vomit.) So I drove the older man to his house about 2 minutes up the street and he was very appreciative. Went to get Jon and everything was fairly quiet for the rest of the night.

Sunday morning, the water and garbage are finally changed. And I get a phone call from the ER doctor checking to see how Lauren was doing. I seriously couldn’t believe how nice this doctor was. The cultures weren’t back yet, he just wanted to check in. I love you Dr. Dickinson and if you’re willing to change the water bottle and garbage when I ask you, I’ll make a swap right now. Seriously.

Anyway, the afternoon came and it was time to get groceries. This is where the weekend really came to a head. (The "you" is Jon)

You’re mad at me because I dare look into the shopping cart and ask why you want $12 of chowder mix. I never told you to put it back. I never even mentioned it again. I simply asked a question. In fact, I was excited to eat the seafood chowder that night.

You’re mad because I don’t want to pay $5 for a single Lunchmate and suggest the 2/$5 ones instead.

I asked if you wanted to go down certain aisles and you answer no, so I ask you if you’re on a health kick, again you say no.

In the car, I ask why you’re upset and you tell me it’s because you feel like you can’t get anything you want at the grocery store.

I tell you to go screw yourself and you can do the shopping all by yourself next time. Where the hell are MY splurge items?? Oh right, there aren't any!

Back story: The last time we went grocery shopping, Jon decided to go on a snack spree. So he piles the cart full of fixings for guacamole and bacon wrapped scallops, and grabs a box of mini beef wellingtons. We’re not made of money and have a grocery budget so I asked if we really needed all this food for one night. He got pissy then, too. I should point out that nothing got put back. We bought everything in the cart.

Monday morning, I asked Jon if he remembered to give Lauren her antibiotics and he said no. (He rarely remembers) So he gave them to her and I put down the syringe on the coffee table so I could continue doing her hair. I asked him to rinse it out. Twice. And he told me he didn’t know what I was talking about. So I said forget it! I’ll do it myself and he said, ohhhh.

I’m heading down to the car carrying my non-vomit purse, Lauren’s backpack, her skates to be sharpened, a booster seat and car keys. At this point, I’m just so... exasperated at everything that happened over the weekend, that the sight off Jon’s red D&D backpack where Lauren’s booster seats goes, just throws me over the edge and I throw everything on the ground and yell God Damn It!

I just want to sit down, point to everyone and say fuck you and fuck you  and fuck you. And especially fuck you to you.

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posted by LadyLipgloss at 3:48 PM 0 LEAVE A COMMENT, BITCHES!!!

Thursday, October 27, 2011

I May Cry on the Stand

Well, I have to go to court because I complained about that asshole with the megaphone. I am being called as a witness and the asshole is going to represent himself. People have been sending me excerpts from his blog that reference the case. Knowing that I'm the one complaining from the TD Tower, he assumes I'm a banker and has made fun of my statements. He tried quoting one part of my statement and screwed it up, making it look like I'm an idiot. But I'm pretty sure he's doing that on purpose. This is all very irritating because he hasn't mentioned any other witness's statement or place of work.

The trial is tomorrow and I have this sneaky suspicion he's going to pick on me. I hate being made to look stupid and I feel like this is exactly what he's going to try and do.

I'm not looking forward to my first experience with the judicial system.
posted by LadyLipgloss at 12:08 PM 0 LEAVE A COMMENT, BITCHES!!!