Not The Favorite

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Spaghetti, Vaseline and a Bar of Soap

So, we have no groceries but I have to find something for supper. Spaghetti it is. I stick my finger in Lauren's sauce to check the temperature and I noticed that the sauce is really hard to wipe off my skin. I decide that it would be best if I stripped Lauren down to her diaper so it won't stain her clothes. It worked pretty well except that it stained her orange from her nose to her belly button. I tried to wipe her clean with face clothes but it didn't work too well, so I ran the bath instead.

I laid out some fresh clothes and all the stuff for after the bath on the coffee table so I won't be looking for things with a wet surly baby running around. Since it's getting pretty close to 7pm, I send an email to Jon to grab a cab home.

I hit send and left the kitchen to turn off the bathtub faucet. I no more than set foot into the living room when I immediately notice a problem. There's Lauren, sitting happily on the floor, elbow deep in a jar of Vaseline. "Holy crap." I pull out her little hand from the jar and it's no longer a hand but a giant gelatinous blob. She promptly begins to rub it into her right leg and sock. I pull off her socks and pick her up by the armpits careful not to get myself covered.

Now, logic as I know it decided to take a 10 and I was left helpless. What do I do? Yup, you guessed it. I soon found out that would be the worst thing I could do. I put her in the bath. I didn't even take a second to wipe the excess off. I just plopped her in. Now I don't just have a Vaseline baby, I have a Vaseline bath tub, bath toys, bath mat and the warm water did nothing but spread the goo over Lauren further. I tried her baby wash to cut the Vaseline but it really didn't do anything. Time to start from scratch, I think.

Out go the tub toys and I empty the water. Meanwhile, Jon calls to check in before he comes home and as I'm talking to him, I'm trying to wipe the ring of jelly off the tub so I can put in new water. Lauren is still crawling around the tub and much to my non-shock, chewing on a bar of Ivory soap. Yum.

Ugh, let's just say there was no need for baby lotion after the bath. At least she let me snuggle her for ten minutes after the bath while she was cozily wrapped in the towel. And if you know my kid, that's a rarity. Why snuggle when you could be doing anything else?

For those who only focused on the phone during a bath part, I put the cordless phone in the bathroom when I'm bathing Lauren so I don't have to leave her if it rings. Not that I would leave if I forgot to bring the phone in, but it bugs the crap out of me to miss a phone call.


posted by LadyLipgloss at 7:49 PM


Good thing Ivory is 99 and 94/100 % pure. Pure what I am unsure of, but pure it is. Maybe it is pure Columbian - who knows. And by the way, that story takes on a whole new flavor if you substitute Lauren for a cat. Don't ask how I know, just take my word. (Oh yeah, substitute 'towel' with 'bandaids' and 'snuggle' with 'curl in the fetal position and whimper while cursing the very existance of cats').

9:35 AM  

...I miss you guys.

9:52 PM  

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