Not The Favorite
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Consider Yourself Dropped
Jon and I have had a tough year and I spent a lot of time talking to this friend. There were some negative things said about Jon on her part and whether it was said to make me feel better, or they really meant it, I took it at face value. I sat on the comment for a long time and these same comments were said again on multiple occasions whenever I was upset with Jon or my life in general. Still I let it go. Then when that friend needed my help with her problems, I offered practical advice and never made negative comments.
The more I thought about what I said to her and how she reacted to me when I was upset, the more hurt I got. The more I wondered why she didn’t value my marriage as much as I did. Maybe she did, I dunno. The point is, why was my initial reaction to her problems to fix them and hers was to throw mine away? But again, she could have just said those things to make me think things weren’t so bad. Well, I needed to work out my feelings about this, so I talked to Jon. He was pretty upset about the mean, hurtful things said about him, and rightly so. He and my friend were friends even longer than we’ve been together and so he confronted her about it.
I am now branded as a bad friend because I “betrayed her trust” by telling Jon about the things she said. Maybe I am a bad friend and there’s a secret code I broke. Instead of owning up to what was said and admitting it, she has only said that I broke her trust. She’s throwing away a friendship of over 10 years because of this. Just admit what you said, apologize and move on. I admit that I probably shouldn’t have said anything to Jon but in the end, everything else that was secret between us, still is.
But I suppose there were signs that maybe she didn’t care about me as much as I thought. I initiated the majority of contact between us. I called, I IM’d. When dad was taken to the hospital in an ambulance because his blood pressure dropped out, I confided in her that I was scared because I didn’t know what was wrong. Her response was, “oh, what else is new?” I will never forget that day. Ever. Because I was scared to death and she was so insensitive.
We haven’t spoken in weeks but I still creep her on FB to how things are. I noticed she was in an accident on Sat so I asked if she was alright and once she indicated she was ok, I replied that I was happy she was ok. I got laid off on Thursday and she hasn’t said a word to me. Nothing. She knows how tight things are in our house and what a lay off means to my family. I get it we’re in an argument, it happens but still, this is a huge deal for me. And even not talking I still managed to care enough to ask about her well being after a car accident.
Well, I’ll say it here. I cared about you, I loved you as my best friend. But your lack of compassion and selfishness has just ended any hope of reconciliation. It’s obvious you were only in it for a friend to party with. Stupid me, and I fell for it.