Not The Favorite

Tuesday, June 07, 2011

You Have Colon Cancer. SNAP!

I walked in on a conversation today in the lunchroom and realized fairly quickly that today is one of those days that I can’t be in the same room as the Office Know-It-All.

I won’t get into the conversation, only that I took away the knowledge that she thinks training a cat is as simple as spraying it with water and saying “No!” Anyone who’s ever owned a cat knows that you CANNOT TRAIN a cat. The cat is more likely to do what you want because it damn well feels like it, not because it has to. This lady has two cats.

And then from another co-worker I hear “this may be a dumb question but do women have colons?” It’s a good thing my back was turned to conceal my eyeballs rolling back into my brain.

This led to a conversation about colon cancer. And The Office Know-It-All has cleared up so MANY things for me. This is what I learned:

- That colon cancer is spread from the prostate. Or not… But maybe.
- That colon cancer mainly affects men.
- And that colon cancer is more prevalent in gay men due to the lesions. (I assume butt lesions from all that gay man butt sex)

Um, I’m pretty sure you have your “facts” mixed-up crazy lady. Now I can’t confirm nor deny the first two points but I’m fairly certain you’re thinking about HIV in that third point there…

This is the same lady who told me I was lying and wrong when discussing declawing cats. I told her that it’s not just simply removing the claws but ten individual amputations.

She also said that she would never wear red because growing up, she was told that “sluts and whores” wore red. She came to work a couple of months later wearing bright red pants.


posted by LadyLipgloss at 1:45 PM


I would really like to introduce her to Cooper and then watch as he launches himself at her in retaliation for being sprayed with water. It will be bloody and gory but entertaining.
I'm also relieved to hear I will never get colon cancer. Phewf.

3:20 PM  

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